No, I'm not dead. I'm just a PhD student. Basically, what that means in real life, is that I have NO life other than reading, thinking about reading, avoiding reading, giving in and finally reading, and writing about my reading. Also, occasionally, I read.
But this weekend, I left Denver for the first time since arriving in August and headed to Washington, DC, for my annual Ignatian Family Reunion (better known as the Ignatian Family Teach-In for Justice). This was my ninth Teach-In, my fifth as a member of the Steering Committee, and my fourth as emcee. Each year, as the prep work is being done and I'm chairing the BEST subcommittee (seriously, our conference calls for Prayer and Liturgy usually have me crying from laughter), I swear that it's my last one, that I'm done.
And every year, I realize that it's not like I can just walk away. After all, it is my family. For me, one of the highlights of the weekend is seeing old friends, meeting the next generation of Ignatian family members, and being re-energized and reminded of the path that has led me where I am today. I got to see my friend Emily, who is the little sister of my good friend Matt. Emily and I met at the Teach-In four years ago, when she was a freshman in college. She's now a senior and living in that state of tension and expectation that is senior year of college while she discerns what will be next for her. I got to see Fr. Ted, who after all these years, is my Jesuit dad. And I got to see the Creighton students I had gotten to know the year before while helping them prepare for the trip, old classmates who are now working at Jesuit institutions, and had the pleasure of spending most of Sunday with a dear friend who cleared his schedule to hang out with me while I was in town, even though a lot of that meant helping run errands and standing by patiently while I talked to people. Dave, you really are a rockstar and I am so grateful to have had the Teach-In drop you in my life.
There are two moments every year that rock me to my core, that force me to take a step back and really reflect on what it all means, on the legacy of those in whose footsteps I walk. The first is the Jesuit Martyrs prayer. Since Fr. Pedro Arrupe issued the call to the "promotion of justice" over 30 years ago, 50 Jesuits have lost their lives in the promotion of that justice. The Teach-In grew out of a desire to remember the 6 who were killed on this day in 1989 in El Salvador (as well as their house keeper and her daughter), but there are 44 other names on that list. I remember a few years ago, the gasps that went up from the crowd when the names of the Jesuits who had been killed as recently as a week before the Teach-In in Russia were announced. Traditionally, there have been enough Jesuits for them to be able to stand for each name, to physically represent their fallen brothers; for the past two years, this hasn't been the case. And so it's up to the students, faculty, staff, parishioners...all us lay folk...to step up and choose to stand for justice. And for the second year in a row, as I stood there holding my candle, tears streaming down my face, as I tried to choke out the words to "Take Lord, Receive," I realized that this is home. This really is my extended family and I don't want to walk away...I want to stay connected in every way I can.
In that moment, my own history with El Salvador and the Jesuits collides with the bigger picture and I feel so solidly anchored in being a "Jesuit" (and not just because I've sort of been adopted in as an honorary one by the Jesuits at the Teach-In).
The second moment that always moves me is Mass and this year, especially with the addition of the Public Witness as part of Mass, I was further confirmed in my feeling of rootedness. Our theme this year was "The Gritty Reality: Feel it, Think it, Engage it" and came from a speech given by former Superior General of the Jesuits, Fr. Peter Hans Kolvenbach. Mass, with its music and its beauty, with all of us packed together on the floor of the conference center, took the themes that we'd been hearing all weekend and brought it back to the faith that unites and sustains us. At the end of his homily, Fr. Don (a long-time member of both the Steering Committee and the Prayer and Liturgy subcommittee) encouraged us to think about how different the story of the three servants would have been if they had worked together, invested together, and shared their fears with each other.
What a fitting question for our gathering. Because the entire weekend was about recognizing our connectedness...so what happens when we act out of that sense of connectedness? Hundreds of students, faculty, and staff swarm the Hill and lobby for the DREAM Act and to close the SOA. We get to know each other and choose to remember that we're all connected rather than to act as if we are autonomous.
All in all, I walked away from the weekend feeling re-energized and recommitted to living as a member of the Ignatian family. Of all of the many pieces of my identity, the one closest to my heart is that I am a member of the Ignatian family.
