A Traveling Theologian

I am a member of the Ignatian family.

2011-11-16T19:54:00.004-05:00

No, I'm not dead. I'm just a PhD student. Basically, what that means in real life, is that I have NO life other than reading, thinking about reading, avoiding reading, giving in and finally reading, and writing about my reading. Also, occasionally, I read.

But this weekend, I left Denver for the first time since arriving in August and headed to Washington, DC, for my annual Ignatian Family Reunion (better known as the Ignatian Family Teach-In for Justice). This was my ninth Teach-In, my fifth as a member of the Steering Committee, and my fourth as emcee. Each year, as the prep work is being done and I'm chairing the BEST subcommittee (seriously, our conference calls for Prayer and Liturgy usually have me crying from laughter), I swear that it's my last one, that I'm done.

And every year, I realize that it's not like I can just walk away. After all, it is my family. For me, one of the highlights of the weekend is seeing old friends, meeting the next generation of Ignatian family members, and being re-energized and reminded of the path that has led me where I am today. I got to see my friend Emily, who is the little sister of my good friend Matt. Emily and I met at the Teach-In four years ago, when she was a freshman in college. She's now a senior and living in that state of tension and expectation that is senior year of college while she discerns what will be next for her. I got to see Fr. Ted, who after all these years, is my Jesuit dad. And I got to see the Creighton students I had gotten to know the year before while helping them prepare for the trip, old classmates who are now working at Jesuit institutions, and had the pleasure of spending most of Sunday with a dear friend who cleared his schedule to hang out with me while I was in town, even though a lot of that meant helping run errands and standing by patiently while I talked to people. Dave, you really are a rockstar and I am so grateful to have had the Teach-In drop you in my life.

There are two moments every year that rock me to my core, that force me to take a step back and really reflect on what it all means, on the legacy of those in whose footsteps I walk. The first is the Jesuit Martyrs prayer. Since Fr. Pedro Arrupe issued the call to the "promotion of justice" over 30 years ago, 50 Jesuits have lost their lives in the promotion of that justice. The Teach-In grew out of a desire to remember the 6 who were killed on this day in 1989 in El Salvador (as well as their house keeper and her daughter), but there are 44 other names on that list. I remember a few years ago, the gasps that went up from the crowd when the names of the Jesuits who had been killed as recently as a week before the Teach-In in Russia were announced. Traditionally, there have been enough Jesuits for them to be able to stand for each name, to physically represent their fallen brothers; for the past two years, this hasn't been the case. And so it's up to the students, faculty, staff, parishioners...all us lay folk...to step up and choose to stand for justice. And for the second year in a row, as I stood there holding my candle, tears streaming down my face, as I tried to choke out the words to "Take Lord, Receive," I realized that this is home. This really is my extended family and I don't want to walk away...I want to stay connected in every way I can.

In that moment, my own history with El Salvador and the Jesuits collides with the bigger picture and I feel so solidly anchored in being a "Jesuit" (and not just because I've sort of been adopted in as an honorary one by the Jesuits at the Teach-In).

The second moment that always moves me is Mass and this year, especially with the addition of the Public Witness as part of Mass, I was further confirmed in my feeling of rootedness. Our theme this year was "The Gritty Reality: Feel it, Think it, Engage it" and came from a speech given by former Superior General of the Jesuits, Fr. Peter Hans Kolvenbach. Mass, with its music and its beauty, with all of us packed together on the floor of the conference center, took the themes that we'd been hearing all weekend and brought it back to the faith that unites and sustains us. At the end of his homily, Fr. Don (a long-time member of both the Steering Committee and the Prayer and Liturgy subcommittee) encouraged us to think about how different the story of the three servants would have been if they had worked together, invested together, and shared their fears with each other.

What a fitting question for our gathering. Because the entire weekend was about recognizing our connectedness...so what happens when we act out of that sense of connectedness? Hundreds of students, faculty, and staff swarm the Hill and lobby for the DREAM Act and to close the SOA. We get to know each other and choose to remember that we're all connected rather than to act as if we are autonomous.

All in all, I walked away from the weekend feeling re-energized and recommitted to living as a member of the Ignatian family. Of all of the many pieces of my identity, the one closest to my heart is that I am a member of the Ignatian family.

New city, new time zone!

2011-08-29T18:31:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been a long time since I've posted. So I figured it was about time to do so. I tend to blog most when I'm in school or busy with work, so with the start of my PhD looming large, I'm jumping back into the world of writing. Before I write about a serious topic I want to discuss, here's a brief update...

*At the end of May, I left my job at CSM and moved back home to MN for the summer. My parents had put their house on the market in April and by mid-May, it had sold. So we moved from the house into a hotel for a week and a half, then into a furnished apartment for a month and a half. About two weeks before I got to Denver, I helped my mom make the drive from MN to PA and spent the next week helping them get settled in Gettysburg.

*Last Wednesday, I flew from DC to Omaha for one last night. I couldn't have asked for a better last day in Omaha. A friend rescued me from the airport and we had lunch, I got to have dinner with my BFF (and now-former roomie), and I got to see an awesome concert with one of my favorite people. All in all, not a bad night.

*And on Thursday, I headed to Denver. It was a rather boring drive, and I was grateful for a conference call (this may be the only time you'll see me say that) to help make Western Nebraska a little less mind-numbing. I got in about 5 Denver time (really having to adjust to now being two hours ahead of my parents) and lucked out and was able to have dinner with an old friend I hadn't seen in years. The weekend including watching celebrating a good friend's birthday (complete with dinner and watching Creighton beat DU in soccer) and lots of unpacking and reading.

So now, I'm starting to get settled in. Once loans come in, I'll actually have some living room furniture. But, more than that, I'm getting prepared for some seriously hard-core studying. And it raises some interesting questions.

For the first time since high school, I am not at a Jesuit institution. I'm not even at a Catholic one. And so the questions of identity as a theologian are one's that a tough. Not because I'm not a Catholic theologian, but because of the way in which Catholic theology is being treated currently. A friend offers some insights here and here, and I have lots more thoughts about it all, but I'm going to wait to say more until I've had some time to really figure out what I'm thinking and feeling.

And now for something completely different...

2011-04-05T11:16:00.001-05:00

Okay, maybe not really. But, along with two friends, I am now part of the team at fc-hollywood.blogspot.com, a Bayern fanblog. If you want to read lots of about footy, come check us out!

Football Meme

2011-03-22T11:28:00.016-05:00

1. The first footballer I fell in love with : Hans Jorg Butt. My first match was Bayern v. Juventus and I tuned in just in time to watch Jorg, Bayern's keeper, take a PK and bring Bayern level at 1-1. They went on to win the match and I was hooked from the outset.

2. The footballer I never expected to love as much as I do now: Mario Gomez. It's likely because he didn't get much playing time last season, but watching him through the World Cup and now through this season with Bayern...I just love him. His energy, his ability to finish, and the fact that he's a good teammate.

3. The footballer everyone else loves that I don’t: Lukas Podolski. I really don't get why so many people like him. I find him to be somewhat lazy and just not an appealing player to watch. Yeah, he scores some goals for Germany, but...I don't get the hype.

4. The footballer I love that everyone else hates: Mark Van Bommel. Okay, Bayern fans don't hate him, but pretty much everyone else seems to. Mark may be a tiger on the pitch, but he's a sweetie off of it.

5. The footballer I used to love but don’t any longer : Fernando Torres. I don't have Nando by any means, but he is playing for the enemy now, so I can't love him like I used to love him.

6. The footballer I would shag any time: Arne Friedrich and Steven Gerrard. Nuff said.

7. The footballer I want to be like: Xabi Alonso and Bastian Schweinsteiger. Class and passion.

8. The footballer I’d slap: Louis Van Gaal. He's a coach, but still. I want to smack him four ways from Sunday for just generally being a total ass to my team. And making certain people cry. And then there's the fact that he doesn't let players actually play their positions.

9. A pairing that I love: The Van Bobben Family (Mark Van Bommel, Arjen Robben, Holger Badstuber). This macro says it all.

10. A pairing that I despise: Schweinski. Bastian deserves better.

Day 25 (and a big announcement)

2011-03-16T15:17:00.003-05:00

Day 25- What I would find in your bag.
Currently:
*Sudafed
*Zyrtec
*Afric (hey, it's allergy season here!)
*A tape adapter and charger for an iPod
*My wallet
*Karma solid perfume
*Hair elastics
*Glasses
*Sunglasses
*Camera
*FiberPlus bar
*Pill case
*Pen
*Lip gloss
*Ticket stubs from flights
*Two packs of gum (Trident Tropical Twist and Extra Bubble Gum)
*Headphones
*Aleve
*Excedrin
*Receipts

(yeah, I know...there's a lot in it...you should have seen what I had in it when I went to Laredo!)

And now for something completely different...

As all of you know by now, I applied for a PhD program for the Fall. And, in case you've missed the news elsewhere and because it's now common knowledge at work, I have been accepted into the PhD in Religion and Social Change at University of Denver/Iliff School of Theology. I am BEYOND excited and cannot wait to get started. Thanks to all of you for putting up with my freaking out as I waited for the news. Glad it paid off!

Mini-hiatus

2011-03-06T11:08:00.002-05:00

I'm headed to Laredo, TX, within the next few hours and will be there all week, so I'm taking a mini-hiatus. Fear not, though, the challenge will resume upon my return.

Days 22 and 23

2011-03-03T10:27:00.003-05:00

Every other day isn't bad, right?

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else?
Probably my ridiculous level of nerdiness. I mean, I make tons of Harry Potter/BSG/Doctor Who references, I have a Doctor Who-related tattoo, and I can talk about soccer despite the fact that no one understands a word I'm saying (nor cares to).

Day 23- What is something you crave?
Mac and cheese. I could live on the stuff. Our local cupcake place, which also has a kickass cafe, makes a panino (see, Sam? I pay attention when you talk!) that has grilled chicken and mac and cheese on it. It's amazing. Dip it into their tomato basil soup and it's the best grilled cheese ever.

Days 20 and 21

2011-03-01T10:56:00.002-05:00

Yeah, okay, I'm getting worse about this...

Day 20- If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

1. Student loan debt would magically disappear.

2. Enough money to be able to travel the world for a couple of years, learning languages, watching footy, and drinking beer.
3. The ability to teleport so I could see family and friends more often.

Day 21- Share a picture from your day

I think that my desk is brown, but at this point, I'm not sure. Someday, I'll dig it out from under the mess.

Days 18 and 19

2011-02-27T22:39:00.002-05:00

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

1. Get into the PhD program. Earn PhD. Teach.
2. Write something that David Tennant reads.
3. Travel the world, drink beer, watch football.

Day 19- Nicknames you have & how or why you have them.

Geez. Okay, well, technically Becky is a nickname, but it's what my folks called me from the start, and it's what I mainly answer to (I don't answer to Rebecca or Becca).

My childhood best friend nicknamed me Reba in like 5th grade and it's stuck, mainly with him, but also with the kids I worked with at Prep.

In high school, one friend called me Beckella. I've also, over the years, had just about every variation on Beck albums and other plays on Rebecca: Beckina, Odelay, etc. My French class, upon learning that the French word for crutches was bequilles called me that (which isn't too far off of my name with a French pronunciation).

One day in seventh grade, I called a rather short friend Small Fry and she called me Big Fry in response. A good friend was from Peru, so I got called Papa Grande for a while.

One person calls me Chabot (and he's the only one who gets to).

But my closest friends call me either B or Bex/Becks.

Don't worry...

2011-02-26T11:18:00.002-05:00

...we'll return to your regularly-scheduled blogging later today. But I wanted to write about something of a little more substance briefly. You see, yesterday was a crappy day on top of a crappy week, but there were three things that really made it better.

While feeling frustrated for the vast majority of the day, a friend kept me laughing and distracted so as to keep me from completely losing my mind. I'm really bad about waiting for news, really bad about being patient when my entire life feels like it's on hold, and he was gracious and witty and all-around fabulous at keeping me from getting too stuck in my head. So, my friend, thank you.

When I left work, it was snowing. I had a couple of errands to run and when I reached the intersection at 72nd and Dodge, the streets were lined with local union members and their families, holding signs of solidarity with the workers in Wisconsin. I'll admit, I teared up a little bit, because it was a really beautiful sight and it made me want to go stand outside in the snow with them. The support for unions is one of the many reasons why I'm proud to be a Catholic and it was great to see the support for Wisconsin workers here in Omaha.

And then, after running my errands and while en route home with dinner for me and Jill, I was driving eastbound on Dodge in the left-hand lane. Remember, it's snowing, and thus traffic is crawling. And while driving by Memorial Park, about 30 feet west of the pedestrian bridge, my car died. Like, literally died. Lost power, shut down, stopped moving. On the busiest street in Omaha during rush hour in a snow storm. After calling 911 (as I was a bit of a hazard and for the first 5 minutes, my hazards wouldn't even work) and calling AAA, I texted one of my best friends (the text may have read "Why does God hate me?"). He responded by calling and though I almost cracked when I heard his voice, I didn't actually cry, and he kept me laughing and sane until the tow truck arrived. So to you, my dear friend, thank you, too. Definitely would have lost my composure without you.

I now return you to your regularly-scheduled ridiculousness.

Day 17

2011-02-25T15:05:00.002-05:00

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.

Okay, so my dear friend Sarah totally stole my answer, because I was going to go with Schroedinger, one of my parents' cats. But, in an effort to be original, I'm going to go with Oprah. Why? Because, as much as I would hate having to be the center of attention on a TV show, I would love to have the ability to suggest books and music and actuallyhave people then read and listen to my suggestions. I mean, the power she has to get people to check things out is pretty impressive and I would LOVE to have that ability for a day. But only a day, because I'd be paranoid that I'd sneeze or something and then everyone would feel the need to do the same. So just one day of being able to influence people's taste would be enough for me.

Day 16

2011-02-24T11:26:00.003-05:00

Day 16- Something you could live without.
I hate useless meetings. I hate pointless meetings. I hate having my time wasted. To quote my friend Sarah:
I am all for collaboration. I love open communication. I think sharing of information and ideas is key to the proper running of any business or organization. But! That being said, if you have nothing of quality to collaborate on, communicate, or share, please do not waste 2 hours of my life meeting just so you can hear yourself talk! There are about a million and a half other things I could be doing during that time that are far more productive and enjoyable...a root canal comes to mind.

Day 15

2011-02-23T16:03:00.002-05:00

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle & share the first 10 songs that play.
This'll be random...

1. "La Receta" by Kemo the Blaxican (also known as the song in the background in the salsa club in the first Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie)

2. "Raining in Baltimore" by Allison Crowe

3. "June Hymn" by The Decemberists

4. "The Wizard And I" by Wicked Original Broadway Cast

5. "3 Chords" by Fools & Horses

6. "Wavin' Flag (Coca Cola Spanish Celebration Mix)" by K'naan and David Bisbal

7. "Verpiss Dich" by Tic Tac Toe

8. "The Dance" from "Unfinished Business" by Bear McCreary (it's from BSG)

9. "Answering Machine" by Matt Nathanson

10. "Bad Things" by Jace Everett

Days 13 and 14

2011-02-21T11:52:00.005-05:00

Day 13- Write a letter telling someone something you could never tell them.

Like my dear friend Sarah, I struggled with this one. That said, here's an open letter to Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin. I'd say this to his face, but I'm pretty sure I won't get a chance, so I'll pretend that the "could" is due to a physical impossibility and say it here:

Dear Gov. Walker-
While I appreciate your desire to balance the budget and fix Wisconsin's economic problems, union busting is not the way to do it. If your intention were really to address the underlying economic problems, then you would be willing to meet with union leaders, who have offered the financial concessions you've asked them to make. Your unwillingness to stop at anything short of removing the right of your citizens to bargain collectively shows that this is not really about the money. Please know that, though we may not be able to physically join the tens of thousands of people who are gathered in Madison daily to fight for workers' rights, there are many of us around the country who stand behind them
Sincerely,
A really pissed off Minnesota voter

Day 14- A picture of something you ate and 10 confessions.

Hmm...10 confessions, eh?

1. I hate the texture of peppers, but like the flavor. Because of my hatred of the texture, however, I pick them out of things, including all the little bits in a Chipotle bowl.

2. I'm more of a music snob than I'd like to admit.

3. That said, I listen to a ridiculous amount of bad pop music.

4. CPE has taught me the fine art of looking like you're listening, but mentally planning a to-do list or a grocery list.

5. Invariably, if I make a grocery or shopping list, I either forget the list at home or can't find it once at the store. And I always forget at least one of the things I meant to purchase.

6. I hate sitting in meetings.

7. I'm terrible about returning phone calls. If I don't see it in an email, it probably didn't/won't ever happen.

8. I have a pathological fear of axe murderers when in the middle of nowhere. Yes, I realize that the odds of one actually being one around are nonexistent, but I'm still paranoid when out in the country. I am not, however, afraid of getting shot in the city (which is probably statistically a lot more likely).

9. I hate escalators more than I can say.

10. I'm a good cook, but I never do it because I'm lazy.

Day 12

2011-02-20T17:52:00.004-05:00

Day 12- A picture of your room & don’t cheat by cleaning it. Share a secret.

Okay, my room is a mess. I'm sure you're all shocked. Yes, that is a giant German flag over my bed. The other walls have a Basti jersey and poster, three other footy jerseys (VanBommel Bayern Munich CL, last season Bayern home, Germany away), and the fourth wall is a Stevie G poster and jersey. Apparently, my bedroom is the bastard child of Germany and Liverpool.
As for a secret, I don't really have any. At least not ones I'd be willing to share here.

Oops! Days 10 and 11

2011-02-19T11:18:00.002-05:00

Okay, so yesterday ended up slipping away from me, so I'm going to make it up here.

Day 10- A story about a past relationship.
Rather than focus on something romantic-like, I want to talk about my first real job (I promise, it'll make sense). At the end of my senior year of high school, I was offered a position as an intern at my church, working in children's ministries. The summer started out with three of us, but within a few weeks, it was down to just me and Emily. The two of us spent probably 60 hours a week together and yet still chose to lunch with each other and hang out. It was such a great thing to have someone who understood the insanity of the job, but also who was just a loving soul and a source of wisdom and support. And we laughed A LOT. The next summer, when I did the same job without her, it wasn't the same. In fact, it was pretty crappy. But it taught me the importance of having good co-workers, which is the single biggest blessing about my current job. I've been lucky to get to know some of my co-workers really well and we keep each other sane (and enjoy the occasional cupcake or pedicure together!).

Day 11- A picture of something you dislike.It said "dislike" not "hate" so I went with Nebraska. Not really a big fan, but I don't HATE it. I just would really rather not live here.

Day 9

2011-02-17T14:11:00.002-05:00

Day 09- Something/someone you’re proud of.

What feels like forever ago, a friend of mine convinced me to go to the School of the Americas protest with a group of fellow Creighton students. The next year, I was one of the three coordinators of the trip. The following year, I co-coordinated with a friend, with a core team. Over those two years, we gained university recognition and sponsorship for the trip, created a format (two informational meetings, an education night, a retreat, a logistics meeting) for formation, and created materials. All these years later, the same format and much of the same stuff is being used. It's really cool to see the work we did still bearing a lot of fruit. Creighton has been the largest delegation at the Ignatian Family Teach-In for Justice several times and the work that the current students are doing...it's incredible. I'm just proud that I got to have a tiny part in it.

Day 8

2011-02-16T15:46:00.002-05:00

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why.

1. Get butt to gym at least three times a week. If I'm paying for it, I should at least use it. Conversely, I'm hoping that the fact that I'm paying for it will make me use it. See the logic there?

2. Do not check application status more than once a day. This is hard, but it's mainly to keep myself from going completely insane.

3. Eat better. That one's pretty self-explanatory.

Day 7

2011-02-15T09:38:00.003-05:00

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.

I could talk a lot about the people and places and things that have shaped me and changed me over the years, but it just feels right to recognize Padre Jon Cortina here. For those who were lucky enough to know him, I don't really need to explain why. But for those that didn't, he was incredibly real, incredibly dedicated, and uniquely gifted at calling forth commitment. Three hours with him forever changed the course and direction of my life and I miss him terribly (but not nearly as much as those with whom he lived and worked, day in and day out, in El Salvador). The above picture is the mural outside of Pro-Busqueda, the organization he founded in El Salvador to help reunite families torn apart by war.

It seems fitting, too, to let Padre have the last word:
If I continue today, I think it’s because I fell in love with the campesinos and their life and their commitment and I think we have an obligation to continue accompanying them in their struggles. The kingdom is a thing that springs from the faith of the community, from the faith of the poor, the commitment of the poor. That’s why I want to be with the people. I do not know how much I have evangelized them. I only know that they have evangelized me.
-Padre Jon Cortina, SJ

Day 6

2011-02-14T11:29:00.010-05:00

Day 06- A hobby you have

I don't do it as much as I'd like, but I do enjoy the taking of the pictures. Most of my work comes from either Latin America or friends' concerts, but I love it. I found after going back to Salvador, editing my photos was really how I processed the trip. So here's a selection of some of my favorites:

Day 5

2011-02-13T20:21:00.002-05:00

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.

Costa del Sol, El Salvador

It's hard to choose just one place I've been, since I've traveled a bit and lived abroad, but right now, as I'm stuck in rural Iowa because my car died, this is where I'd most like to be.

Day 4

2011-02-11T21:00:00.002-05:00

Day 04- List 15 songs that represent your life’s soundtrack.

1. "Bullet the Blue Sky" by U2

2. "February" by Dar Williams

3. "Center Aisle" by Derek Webb

4. "Like Rock 'n Roll and Radio" by Ray LaMontagne and the Pariah Dogs

5. "Let's Dance to Joy Division" by The Wombats

6. "What Became of the Likely Lads" by The Libertines

7. "Always Coming Back Home to You" and "Say Shh" by Atmosphere

8. "Chelsea Dagger" by The Fratellis

9. "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright" by Peter, Paul, and Mary

10. "Omaha" by Counting Crows

11. "Shine" by David Gray

12. "Violence and Variations" and "Fight Night" by Bear McCreary

13. "Mineshaft" by Dessa

14. "Song for the Road" by David Ford

15. "Alles kann besser werden" by Xavier Naidoo and Janet Grogan

Day 3

2011-02-11T17:32:00.003-05:00

Day 03- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.
Yeah, I bite my nails. I shouldn't, but I do.

Day 2

2011-02-10T17:22:00.003-05:00

Day 02- A picture of something you cannot live without.

Let's be honest: I drink a lot of Diet Pepsi. I've recently cut way back, but still, if you try to draw blood, you're going to get Diet Pepsi. Blame it on my caffeine addiction, blame it on staving off migraines, blame whatever you want. But I can't really live without it.

Day 1

2011-02-09T12:57:00.002-05:00

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

1. I cannot type the word "Romeo" without typing "Romero" first. Just typing this took several tries to stop typing "Romero".

2. I'm a compulsive sorter. Not in a physical or OCD way, but in the sense that when I'm in a class or a meeting, I feel the need to try and figure out people's Myers-Briggs and Enneagram types. I also sort them into their Hogwarts house. Chances are, if we've had more than one interaction, I've probably done this to you.

3. I hate scary movies. With a passion. So I refuse to watch them. In the last decade, I've made one exception to this rule and regretted it for a week.

4. I have seven states left to visit until I've been to all 50. Visiting all 50 states is the first item on my bucket list.

5. I actually have to bucket lists: one is a list of all of the things I want to do before I die and the other is a list of bands and musicians I want to see before I die. I've made a lot more progress on the music one than on my real one.

6. Not a day goes by without me making a cultural reference that goes over the heads of my students. Seriously, who hasn't seen The Princess Bride?

7. I am not, nor have ever been, a morning person. There are legendary stories of people who have had to interact with me in the morning and they're all true. The general rule of thumb is to wait for me to speak to you before you try and talk to me if it's before 8:30am.

8. I'm picky about nicknames. There are certain things I won't answer to, there are things that only certain people are allowed to call me (only one person gets away with calling me "Chabot" and it's not you), and then there are the ones that are fair game. Interestingly, few people would be able to guess which my favorite one is (but I can think of four people who should know it immediately).

9. I firmly believe that stir fry eating is a sport. As a sport must 1) offer some health benefit and B) have some risk of injury, stir fry eating totally counts. In my volunteer community, you had to be careful of the flying forks because we would sit next to people who liked the opposite veggies from us and thus, I never knew when Daigs was going to steal the peppers off my plate and she had to anticipate when I'd steal her mushrooms. It should also be noted that this wasn't a dignified sharing; it was a free-for-all.

10. I randomly quote song lyrics and I get really excited when people are able to catch it. For example, when I hear Arne Friedrich's name during a soccer match, I feel the need to add "Deutschland liebt dich." Also, when someone quotes a song accidentally, I get the song stuck in my head.

11. Grad school not only screwed with my brain and made me love beer, it screwed with my Spanish accent. But that's what you get when you get kidnapped by the Spanish-speaking Jesuits at meals and spend your time with Chileans and Spaniards. By the end of this year, I'm sure there will be random Mexican influences on my accent and vocabulary thanks to my work studies.

12. I grew up in CT and thought I was still a Yankee until I returned back east for grad school. Turns out, I'm a Minnesotan through and through (and I wouldn't have it any other way). I truly believe that Minnesota is God's Country. Nebraska, conversely, is the land that God forgot.

13. Despite the fact that my family mocks me for and other friends find it extremely weird, I only eat ice cream with a fork. Because this fork...is for ice cream.

14. One of the things that I'm proudest of is the fact that I've worked as a translator for EATWOT (the International Association of Third World Theologians) for the past four years and that I've now racked up nearly as many Portuguese-to-English translations as I have Spanish-to-English. Doesn't mean I can speak Portuguese well, but at least I can read it and translate it effectively!

15. My goal is to be proficient in at least ten languages. On the wish list are: German, Welsh, Dutch, Russian, Quechua, and Swahili.

Challenge Accepted.

2011-02-09T12:53:00.002-05:00

If I'm being brutally honest, self-discipline isn't one of my top strengths (in fact, it likely wouldn't register on StrengthsFinder). So, in an effort to force myself to develop some, I'm taking up a challenge from a dear friend to blog every day of the next 30. So...yeah. Here's the list, in case any of you are interested in taking up the challenge as well. Ms. Coles, this is for you!

Here are the blogs I will do...
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 02- A picture of something you cannot live without.
Day 03- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.
Day 04- List 15 songs that represent your life’s soundtrack.
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 06- A hobby you have.
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why.
Day 09- Something/someone you’re proud of.
Day 10- A story about a past relationship.
Day 11- A picture of something you dislike.
Day 12- A picture of your room & don’t cheat by cleaning it. Share a secret.
Day 13- Write a letter telling someone something you could never tell them.
Day 14- A picture of something you ate and 10 confessions.
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle & share the first 10 songs that play.
Day 16- Something you could live without.
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have.
Day 19- Nicknames you have & how or why you have them.
Day 20- If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.
Day 21- Share a picture from your day.
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else.
Day 23- What is something you crave.
Day 24- Share a story about your past that you are ashamed of.
Day 25- What I would find in your bag.
Day 26- Places you want to visit before you die.
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned.
Day 30- A picture of you today & 20 goals you want to accomplish.

Virtue Ethics over Coffee

2011-02-05T22:49:00.002-05:00

This week, I had coffee with a friend. She's at a bit of a crossroads where she is facing a pretty big decision between several competing goods. Decisions are so much easier when you're choosing between a good and a bad; decisions between goods are just hard. And as we talked, I shared with her Jim Keenan's modern virtue ethic.

In a nutshell (this is seriously paraphrased and any inaccuracies shouldn't be attributed to Jim):
Virtue ethics is grounded in three questions. 1. Who are we? 2. Who are we to become? 3. How are we to get there? The virtues are how we answer that third question. Keenan proposes four virtues: justice, fidelity, self-care, and prudence. Justice is about our relationship with the world at large, with those whom we may not know but to whom we have a responsibility. Fidelity is about our relationship with people in our lives, our family and friends, those who have some claim to our affections and our care. And self-care is about our relationship with our own self, whether or not we treat ourselves with dignity and respect. Prudence is how we balance those, as the three are often in direct competition and we find ourselves struggling to made decisions between goods (see why it came to mind?).

Since returning from the Christmas break, I'm realizing that I'm feeling the tension between these three things rather intently. I'm struggling to find a balance between the three, especially when prudence suggests things that directly conflict with my responsibilities. A few months ago, I had made a decision about something and I shared it with my spiritual director. I commented that, in making it, I was pretty sure that it was the first time I had acted out of my sense of self preservation instead of my sense of responsibility. He laughed and said, "I've only been trying to get you to do that for eight years!"

I'm not really sure what the point of this post is, other than to share some brilliant theological insight from a great theologian (I'm talking about Jim, clearly) and to recognize that I need to try and get better about balance.

Patience

2011-01-11T23:50:00.003-05:00

Alternate title: A Virtue I Am Seriously Lacking

I am not a patient person. At all. Ever. Okay, well maybe that's going a little bit too far, as I manage to find a way to be present to people occasionally when I really have little-to-no interest in what they're saying, but the reality is that I am not a patient person by nature. I'm not sure what's the most to blame for this: it could be the Gryffindor or it could be the J. But whatever it is, I really suck at being patient.

When this incapacity for patience (though, admittedly, an incapacity I'm working to turn into a capacity) collides head on with my inability to be wherever I am (I'm really good at being wherever I'm not), it means that I find it hard to be okay with ambiguity. As if I needed more proof that my P has turned into a J over the years. I no longer want to know what my options are; I want to know what the next step is so that I can plan for it and then proceed to the next item on the agenda. Or, in extreme cases, I either force a decision or cut and run.

For some reason, when I'm feeling particularly impatient, this is the scene I keep coming back to, again and again. Maybe it's because I feel what Rose is saying. Anyway, the scene starts at minute 3.

New Year, New Resolutions

2010-12-31T22:14:00.002-05:00

I talked last week about trying to be fearless, so in that spirit, here are some of my resolutions for the coming year.

1. Be bold, be brave, be Gryffindor. Okay, so that's a little redundant, but I think in three's.
2. Lose 50 lbs by July 1. Really, I care less about the number (as long as the one on the scale is consistently going down), but that would be nice.
3. Make a schedule and stick to it. I need to be better about things in my real life not falling through the cracks.
4. Take a mini-retreat every week. Whether it's an hour with a good book, a bubble bath, or ...insert random activity here... I want to make sure to take some quality "me" time.
5. Be grateful and express that gratitude. I need to be more positive about things and I think that's a great place to start.

And for those of you who haven't read it, Fr. Jim Martin has a great piece here. Well worth a read. I'm trying very hard to take number one to heart! All of them are great, though.

2010

2010-12-26T22:38:00.010-05:00

As the year winds down and I look ahead to 2011, I feel the obligatory need to make a "year in review" post. While lots has happened this year, and some of it better than others, I want to keep this upbeat. So, a few of the highlights of the year...

DRC
This spring, I worked what can only be described as a terrible job scoring standardized tests for various states. However, the job makes the highlight reel because of the people I worked with. About halfway through my time there, I met a group of ladies and they have been the source of lots of laughter, fun, and excitement since. In various groupings of the five of us, we've: watched the Twins play the Yankees at Target Field, eaten cheese and chocolate fondue, had a picnic comprised entirely of salads and sweets, and brunched at some of the best places in the Twin Cities.

L-R: Fran, Devin, Julie, me, and Shannon at The Chatterbox to celebrate my birthday.

NEW ORLEANS
Job hunting stinks, but getting a chance to spend a weekend in New Orleans with my childhood best friend, Robbie, and not have to pay for it isn't a bad thing. In fact, it's pretty damned fun. A weekend full of beignets, daiquiris, Happy Hour, The Princess and the Frog, incredible crawfish etoufe, Italian food, hanging out at the pool, and a chance to just be...it was lovely. Didn't get the job, but that's okay.

With Robbie at Phillip's

RED ROCKS
One of the biggest highlights of the year was getting to see David Gray and Ray LaMontagne at Red Rocks. The company wasn't bad, either, but the night was about being completely gutted by Ray's music. Definitely crazy to fly in and out in less than 24 hours, but totally worth it. For those who have the chance, go see him live. You won't be disappointed. To give you an idea of how amazing it was, here's the version of "Like Rock 'n Roll and Radio" that most closely resembles what it sounded like that night.

IFTJ
A weekend that included getting to see old friends, having the best roomie a girl could ask for (seriously, Rachel, couldn't have survived without you!), emceeing with friends, seeing heroes and mentors, getting to know students committed to social change, and working for justice...who could ask for a better way to spend a weekend? And I finally got to meet Sam, which means I'm the only one of the four of us who knows all four of us.

Nick, Emily, Matt (in spirit), and me at the public witness in front of the Capitol.
With Rachel after Mass

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-21T21:40:00.002-05:00

For those who are among the very few who get cards from me, you'll already have seen this, but for everyone else, I wanted to share this year's card with you all. The pictures, from top to bottom are: The miracles attributed to Monsenor Romero at his home in San Salvador; the Rose Garden at the UCA; the chapel and marker at the site where the Four Churchwomen were killed; and Padre Cortina's tomb in the UCA Martyr's Chapel.

Fearless

2010-12-21T20:43:00.003-05:00

For about three years, I was part of an online Harry Potter community. When someone joins, the first thing that happens is that they get sorted into one of the four Hogwarts houses: Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, or Gryffindor.

After a close vote (and I mean close!), I was sorted into Gryffindor and never felt out of place. Because I am a Gryffindor. Three of my closest friends are fellow Gryffindors I met in the community. In the first Harry Potter book, here's what the Sorting Hat has to say about Gryffindor:
You might belong in Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry set Gryffindors apart
And there's no doubt that I am a Gryffindor, but I'm a very particular type of Gryffindor. I'm a Remus Lupin. The worrywart, the voice of reason, the cautious one. I may be impulsive and all of the other Gryffindor characteristics, but I'm definitely the least bold of my Gryffindor friends.

My point in this is that one of my New Year's Resolutions is to be a bit bolder, to worry less and be brave more. It goes completely against my nature to do so, which I realize some people won't believe, but it's true. I'm a worrier. And I'm not one to talk about my feelings, save with a very small group of people. I'm good at talking around things.

But as a friend who knows my soul recently said:
Remember that talking about other things is still a form of silence. And as someone once wrote, "This silence is not productive; in fact, it can be quite destructive." You know what you have to do, and we both know it's terrifying, but do it anyway.

He's right. So here goes an attempt at being a little bit more fearless...

"Be a liberation whatever."

2010-12-20T16:20:00.002-05:00

It may just be because it was five years ago last weekend that Padre Cortina died that have caused me to be particularly reflective of those words recently (or the fact that they're part of my holiday card this year...I believe in using them as teachable moments and thus this year's is once again pictures from Salvador and that quote from Padre). But I've been really thinking about this quotation and the broader theme of vocation and calling a lot.

And I've come to the conclusion that, eight years after going to Salvador, I'm not sure I'm any closer to getting it than I was then and yet, at the same time, I'm pretty sure I got it. That's the thing about this whole mess that is my life: it makes no sense and it makes perfect sense and somehow those two things manage to exist at one and the same time. It's about living in the space between the two.

Because that's what I've come to realize...whatever kind of a "liberation whatever" I'm supposed to be, it is marked profoundly by tension and being torn between things. Right now, I'm in Omaha but home is in MN (and won't be home sometime in the not-so-distant future once my folks leave). I'm working, but I miss school. And ever-present is the tension between my life here and my experience in Latin America. It's frustrating, it's stressful, but it's also grace-filled.

I've been able to have some really good conversations lately, the kind that last until the wee hours of the morning and leave you feeling completely re-energized in your soul (if physically exhausted the next day). One friend in particular has been good at pushing me, forcing me to speak things (which, despite the irony of me writing a blog about this, we all know isn't exactly my forte). It's been a important reminder of the power of words: speaking something makes it all the more real, calls it forth. It's why the "Presente" litany has such power...because it's not just about listing names, but about calling forth the presence of those who have come before us and acknowledging that they are there with us.

Which brings me back to the quote from Padre. It's pretty powerful to be a "liberation whatever." Now to figure out the "whatever"...

30 years later, their dream lives on...

2010-12-02T16:50:00.003-05:00

Thirty years ago today, in a small village in El Salvador, four American women were brutally raped, beaten, tortured, and murdered. Their names were Maura Clarke and Ita Ford (both Maryknoll sisters), Ursuline Sister Dorothy Kazel, and Jean Donovan, a lay missioner from Cleveland.

They were murdered, officially, because they were "subversives" who were helping fight against the Salvadoran government. In reality, they were killed because they took the Gospel imperative to love and care for others seriously. They were killed because they fed the hungry, clothed the naked, visited the sick, sheltered the homeless. Because they lived their faith, lived the preferential option for the poor, they were slaughtered.

But out of this tragedy, new life has sprung. Monsenor Romero, before his death, said that he wished that his blood would be for the liberation of his people. And, inspired by the lives and deaths of Maura, Ita, Dorothy, and Jean, men and women have continued to commit themselves to the faith that does justice, to the work of building the reign of God on Earth. Ita Ford once wrote to her niece:

What I'm saying is I hope you come to find that which gives life a deep meaning for you. Something worth living for- maybe even worth dying for- some thing that energizes you, enthuses you, and enables you to keep moving ahead.

For many of us, these four women have helped find something worth living for, maybe even something worth dying for. I know that I am not alone in drawing strength from these women. On my second trip to El Salvador, I was able to visit the site of their murders. I was with a predominantly male group, but the other woman in our delegation and I were profoundly impacted being in that place.

As I stood in the same place where their commitment to justice had cost them their lives, the reality of what it means to be on the side of the poor, to fight for justice, to be a woman for and with others, washed over me. Several years later, I don't think that I have fully processed what that moment meant for me and I doubt I ever will.

But on this 3oth anniversary, I have new hope. Over the past year, I've had the chance to get to know some of the current generation of Creighton students and I've had the chance to meet students from all over the country at the Ignatian Family Teach-In for Justice. I've had the chance to see the impact that these four women have had on children born 8, 10, 12 years after their deaths. I've seen how the seeds that were planted years ago have started to bear more fruit that I think any of us could have imagined. And so, today, I stand in gratitude for all that Maura, Ita, Dorothy, and Jean have taught me and for all that they are teaching the new leaders at my alma mater and around this country. Theirs are big footsteps in which to follow, but I know that there are people who are willing to answer it. And so, in the words of Jon Sobrino:

Our last word must be: thank you. In Maura, Ita, Dorothy, and Jean, God has visited El Salvador.

And the world.

Take Lord, Receive

2010-11-19T13:28:00.004-05:00

"Take Lord, receive all my liberty."

This year, there were only about 27 Jesuits at the Teach-In. As I stood in the hallway as they received their instructions from Ted, part of me was tempted to be saddended at the reduced numbers.

"My memory, my understanding, my entire will."

Each Jesuit was handed their candle and told which name they were going to represent. They returned to their groups or milled around the edges, waiting for the prayer to begin. Joined by a diocesan priest, many of them had participated in this ritual before, but never like this.

"Give me only your love and your grace. That's enough for me."

The lights dimmed and Ted called all of the Jesuits to the stage. He explained that, since Pedro Arrupe had called them to the faith that does justice, fifty Jesuits had been killed precisely because they had answered that call.

"Your love and your grace are enough for me."

One by one, the names of the deceased were read. And, one by one, the Jesuits responded, "Presente!" and lit their candles, moving out into the crowd of young people, until there were no Jesuits left. Twenty-odd candles remained on a table front and center in the room.

"Take Lord, receive all I have and posses."

The next name was read and, without hesitation, a voice from the middle of the room responded, "Presente!" A young man came forward, lit a candle, and joined the Jesuits spread throughout the room. After the next name, a young woman responded, taking her place in a sea of men.

"You have given all to me, now I return it to you."

Sometimes, two people would respond. The names were read and the aisles filled as young (and not-so-young) men and women heard "their" names called and came forth to recive the fire that kindles other fires.

"Give me only your love and your grace. That's enough for me."

I stood among them, holding my candle, awestruck by the image of all my brothers and sisters who were willing to be a prophetic voice, to honor those who had been slain, and to speak truth to power.

"You love and your grace are enough for me."

And then we sang, the same song that we do every year, the words that all Jesuits have either spoken or sung at their funerals. I could barely choke out any of the words. Tears streamed down my face.

"Take Lord, receive all is yours now."

I wasn't the only one crying. There were tears rolling down cheeks, tears threatening to spill out of eyes. Some in the crowd wrapped their arms around each other for support. Others beamed with the pride of answering the call.

"You have given all to me, now I return it to you."

And then the Jesuits blessed us, commissioning us to struggle for justice with them, to be prophets. As everyone paused at the end of the prayer, it was up to me to dismiss everyone to their breakouts. The best I could come up with was to say "Go in peace, to love and serve the Lord and one another."

"Give me only your love and your grace. That's enough for me."

Over 1200 voices responded.

"Your love and your grace are enough for me."

Amen.

Prophets and Martyrs: IFTJ 2010

2010-11-16T21:30:00.003-05:00

Each year, I spend one weekend in November with my extended family. My Ignatian family, that is. For seven years, I gathered with them in Columbus, GA, on the banks of the Chattahoochee River, first in a tent and then in a convention center, to remember the martyrs, to learn about the social justice issues facing our world, and to worship together in one of the more amazing Masses you can imagine.

This year, we made the move from Georgia to Washington, DC, from Ft. Benning to Georgetown, adding our first-ever lobby day and public witness. For the past several years, I've had the privilege of being one of the emcees for the event and this year, due to the "retirement" of Fr. Ted Gabrielli, the head emcee. Along with two good friends, the responsibility for making sure that things ran on time, that the speakers were promptly and properly introduced, that people knew what was happening when and where they needed to be, fell on me.

But I want to talk about other things. Because the logistics and behind-the-scenes racing around like headless chickens really aren't as interesting as what happens on the stage and what happens out in the audience.

Two years ago, when our theme was "The Fire that Kindles Other Fires," we asked the delegations to bring candles. Last year, we gathered waters from the different delegations, mixing the waters together with water from the Chattahoochee and then using the water for a sprinkling rite during Mass. This year, we invited the delegations to bring earth with them. Cohort by cohort, the groups brough forth their earth and added it to a planter that was in front of the stage.

Our first speaker of the night was Jocelyn. Jocelyn founded Contemplatives in Action, an organization that trains people in Ignatian prayer and Ignatian engagement, and she was incredible. Despite the fact that she gave us emcees a little bit of a heart attack (for future reference: if you want to do something crazy, like start your speech from the rear of the hall rather than on the stage, please inform the emcees, so they're not all having panic attacks in the front when you don't get on stage after you're introduced), we couldn't have asked for a better start to the Teach-In, a better way to break open our theme (Prophetic Lives: Caminando Juntos). She began by inviting all of us who had been to the Teach-In eight or more times to stand. There were a handful of us, mostly people I recognized. Then it was folks who had been to between five and seven Teach-Ins. Then between three and five Teach-Ins. And then, the largest group of all: the first-timers. They received a tremendous cheer, because we all can remember what it was like for us to be there for the first time. And that was how she broke open our theme...challenging and calling forth new voices to be prophetic while encouraging people to recognize that we walk together, que caminamos juntos.

There were then several student speakers, including Will from my alma mater, Creighton, who spoke about his time with Interfaith Worker Justice this summer. But the first two, Cory and Michael (both students at Spring Hill College in Mobile, AL) got my attention. I was sitting between Nick and Jackie, the other two emcees, and Rachel, my amazing roomie for the weekend, was to the left of Nick. As Cory and Michael spoke, the four of us quickly realized that they were not only talking about El Salvador, they were talking about Guarjila, the town to which we had all journeyed over the years. The talk, the pictures, hearing about the scholarship fund that they had started to make sure that more people get a college education...it was near and dear to us. Seeing the faces of our friends, our families on the screens brought us joy, but also reminded us that there is always much work to do.

Mark Ravizza, SJ, was next. Mark teaches philosophy at Santa Clara University and works with their study abroad, Casa de la Solidaridad, in San Salvador. He spoke of the martyrs, their importance in the lives of Salvadorans, and the call that we receive from them. For me, it was a powerful remnder of how I first came to be part of the struggle for justice and it helped to frame what it means to be prophetic. He concluded with a video that combined pictures of the annual vigil for the martyrs with pictures of the students who have participated in the Casa program over the years, with Colin Hay's "Waiting For My Real Life To Begin" behind the music. As it ended, and I wiped the tears from my eyes, he reminded us not to wait: our real lives are here and now. They've already begun.

After a lovely dinner with my roomie and my dear friend Sam, and after a session of breakouts (during which I thoroughly enjoyed just getting to BE), Sr. Dianna Ortiz shared her story. Sr. Dianna is an Ursuline sister who, while working with the poor in Guatemala, was kidnapped and tortured. She shared her story and she called us to really be prophets, to really speak out. She called out Georgetown for having Alvaro Uribe on campus as a visiting professor (Uribe was president of Colombia and has been linked to a rather large number of human rights abuses that were committed under his tenure).

And then one of my heroes, one of my mentors in this world of justice, took the stage. Most people know Sr. Helen Prejean either from her book Dead Man Walking or from the movie of the same name (though those folks tend to think she bears a resemblance to Susan Sarandon, which she doesn't). I got the chance to get to know Sr. Helen a few years ago and I was excited to hear her speak again. She's spoken at past Teach-Ins and has always been inspiring and this year was no exception. She spoke of growing up in the segregated South, of being one of the sisters who didn't want to get involved with the poor because it wasn't their job. And she spoke of waking up, of seeing the world as it is and what is possible and encouraged us to do the same.

We dismissed that night after spending a few moments in silent meditation, as students from Boston College came forward and planted a tree (affectionately known as the "shrubbery" to the committee, complete with Monty Python references) in the soil gathered from the delegations.

Sunday morning arrived very quickly. We opened in prayer, trying something completely different from what has been done before. Using a piece of No Mas, five Creighton students (well, four and an alum) stepped into the shoes of Jon Sobrino and the Four American Churchwomen. This was made all the more powerful by the fact that they were not only speaking the words of the martyrs, but that Maura Clarke's sister and nephew were with us that morning. As a playwright, I was incredibly nervous to have the family of one of the subjects of the play in attendance, but judging by the reaction, it went over very well. And the students reading did an amazing job with the prayer.

Then Julia Keough, Maura Clarke's sister, and Marie Dennis, who works for Maryknoll, spoke about the legacy of the four Churchwomen. Having called forth these women in prayer, it was a powerful experience to hear them talk.

My friend Felipe was another of our mainstage speakers and his wife, Casey, read an amazing poem. To see my friends and peers who are leaders in a variety of different justice issues makes me so proud.

But, for me, the highlight of Sunday morning was the closing prayer. Each year, the Jesuits gather and honor their murdered brothers. But things were a little different this year. You can read about the prayer here. So powerful, so moving. Even Francisco said it was hard for him to get through the song this year.

After more breakouts, lunch, and advocacy training (I have to admit, I took a nap and a shower during this part, but it was needed!), we re-gathered for Mass. I had the privilege to join a friend and his delegation for the Mass and it was an incredible Mass. In 2002, my first Teach-In, I heard an amazing homily from Ted Gabrielli. This year, he stepped in at the last minute to preside for us all again and, again, gave an amazing homily. I hope that someone videotaped it and uploads it to YouTube soon, because his words that night are a message everyone should hear.

Mass ended with the usual clamor for photographs, the goodbyes, and the new insanity of realizing that the next morning would bring our first-ever public witness and advocacy day. After beers and food with Mike, Dave, Bill, and a few others, I crashed. And awoke the next morning without a voice. As we climbed into a taxi at 7am, I was seriously wondering if I would be able to get through my speaking parts of the morning's program...I had written off being able to sing the Presente Litany.

Since my first trip to Georgia, I have wanted to cantor the Presente Litany. In it, the names of the victims of the SOA are sung, and the crowd sings back, "Presente!" After arriving at our stage, and seeing the amazing location that Dave had found for us, we began getting everything set. As we drew closer and closer to the start time, my voice grew stronger and stronger. And then, it was back. Back enough I could talk without sounding particularly horse. But more importantly, back enough so I could sing.

Our three student speakers that morning were powerful and moving. Coming from the East and West Coasts, as well as one from the Midwest, they represented their schools and our Ignatian family so well. They reminded all of us again of what had brought us to DC: the ability to take our momentum and lobby for real change. James Salt of Catholics United was our keynote that morning, and he challenged the students to claim their voices, to remind Congress of their responsibility, and to live the faith that does justice in the political arena. Six of shared the responsibilities for singing the litany and it was both thrilling and terrifying to do it. I'm so glad I did, though, because I got to cross it off of my bucket list! But, in the future, I'll know not to make eye contact with certain people when I say certain names, so as to keep my voice from cracking.

And then, I had the privilege of dismissing everyone to their lobby visits, but not before informing them that CNN had showed up with a camera crew! At this point, I'm not sure we made it on TV, but they did film!

All in all, it was an amazing weekend. If you want to read more, here are some great pieces:
Emily's thoughts on the weekend (Emily is a Spring Hill College student and the younger sister of a good friend of mine who has become a good friend, too!)
NCR's coverage
Walsh Jesuit's meeting with Kucinich

And to all those who are in Columbus, GA, this weekend at the SOA Vigil: PRESENTE!

Oops...

2010-11-16T21:20:00.002-05:00

This past weekend was the Ignatian Family Teach-In for Justice and I'm going to blog about that in a few minutes, but first, a mea culpa of sorts.

I saw a classmate this weekend that I hadn't seen in a couple of years. Our relationship has never been an easy one...we're not friends, but we're not really not friends. But because of past experience, I jumped to conclusions and opened my mouth in order to insert my foot in a major way. Rather than assuming a person might change and/or growth in two years, I assumed this person was just being somewhat flaky. He wasn't. And, if by any chance he's reading this, again, I'm sorry. Really and truly.

I still feel really bad about what happened, but I'm trying to remind myself what my friend L told me tonight: "Even Remus thought, at least for a time, that Sirius was the killer." Everyone jumps to conclusions sometimes. I just need to work on doing it less. It's so much easier to blame someone else, to think the worst of someone, rather than recognize my own complicity and frustration causes me to act like a giant raging bitch sometimes. When One-Sided Glass was in draft stages, a friend of mine encouraged me to complicate the plot a little bit, because the female character, in having the moral high ground to herself, was rather obnoxious. She wasn't someone he cared about, because she was self-righteous. And it made the show a million times better.

Chi! Chi! Chi! Le! Le! Le!

2010-10-13T11:46:00.002-05:00

One thing is for sure: I spent too much time around Chileans in grad school. But that's a story for another day.

I'm not the kind of person who gets sucked into television coverage as a general rule. I usually can't take it after an hour or so. In Being Human, one of my favorite TV shows, one of the characters comes into the kitchen to find his roommate listening to radio coverage of a massacre on a subway. George turns off the radio and says to Mitchell, "It's pornographic. It's other people's grief." In some ways, I agree with that sentiment. As a theologian, I'm trained to enter into people's stories and walk with them, but when it's on the news, especially the un-ending coverage of a natural disaster or something, I feel like it's no longer about the people and about the spectacle.

But I found myself strangely addicted to the coverage of the miners' rescue in Chile. I think it's because it had a happy ending, but more than that, I think it's because it was hope in a really concrete way. Theologically speaking, there's a big difference between hope and optimism. Hope doesn't mean that one thinks that things are going to change immediately or even in the near future; hope transcends all of that. I'm hopeful that the Church will change, but I'm not particularly optimistic (that is to say, rationally, I don't know that it will, but I have hope that it will). This rescue was hope: there was no guarantee they'd all be rescued, but despite the obstacles, it was about believing that it was possible and never losing sight of that. All in all, seeing people beat the odds and be reunited with their families makes for pretty good television.

Wind

2010-10-05T10:36:00.002-05:00

Just over five years ago, my time in Bolivia was coming to an end. To mark the end of our time together, we celerated one final Mass as a group, before we began leaving Cochabamba (some for Machu Pichu, some for home, some for La Paz). I had the honor of giving the homily that day at the Mass and, in the process of cleaning through stuff, I found my homily from that day (yes, it was written out...I've come a long way since then, thanks to a good cohort at Weston). Anyway, I figured I'd share it here, which saves me from having to track down email addresses for my group members. Oh, and the day's reading was the Parable of the Sower (but that's probably obvious).

We were all sown here at the same time. Some of us fell among weeds, some in rocks, some on the path, and some in fertile soil. For some us, our time here has been marked by difficulty; for others, excitement. But, no matter how har or how easy it has been, we have all grown. And we have all grown together.

And now comes the hard part: the replanting. For six weeks, we have struggled, triumphed, laughed, fought, loved, lost, and cried together. We have shared the joy of being human beings who need God together. But come this evening, we will no longer be in the same place, whatever soil we landed in when we got here. We will be spread far and wide. Some of us are going home, others back to school. Some of us are moving to another country and others will be staying here.

No matter where we are replanted, a few things are true. One, we will no longer be surrounded by those who have had the same experience. Two, we're in for some sort of a shock. And 3, there will be wind. My spiritual director likes to talk about wind. He explains that trees need wind to grow, that the movement of the branches and the trunk drive the roots deeper which then makes the tree grow. The windier it is, the bigger the tree can get.

Before we left Creighton, this same priest encouraged us to live in the wind. It's not the easiest thing to do when you feel like you've landed amongst rocks or on cement. But for me, this wind has been full of consolation (or grace-filled...sorry...I am a product of my Jesuit education!). I've learend in my time here that the wind can be strong enough to get me out of the rocks and into fertile soil.

Right now, I find it hard to embrace this wind of change because it means closing a chapter in my life. Today, I say goodbye to people I have come to love and, a semester late, to the place that has nourished me for five years. I was blessed to be down here with a dear friend and a beloved professor, two people who are continually Christ to me, as well as more amazing people than I ever thought possible.

I hate change and I hate goodbyes even more. But I know that this wind will only make us stronger. So as we leave this place of love and community, I pray that our new homes will be full of rich soil and lots of wind.

Words Matter. Period.

2010-10-05T09:14:00.002-05:00

In the past few weeks, our world has lost far too many young people who took their lives because of bullying based upon their sexual orientation (or the presumption of a particular orientation). I've been trying to come up with something to say, but everything I try and write comes out poorly, so I'm going to recommend you read the words of two others.

The first is a piece written by my friend, Dan. He's a Franciscan Friar, a theologian, and a brilliant writer (really, all his stuff is worth reading). But his response to the recent spate of suicides said what was on my heart in a far more eloquent way than I would have been able to achieve. Please go here and read his piece. I promise, it'll be worth your time.

The second piece is written by Cody J. Sanders, a Baptist minister and member of the first class to participate in Human Rights Campaign's Summer Institute for Religious and Theological Studies. As theologians, as ministers, we need to be looking at the theological implications of this all. You can read his piece here.

And, to borrow from my own background in Latin American Liberation Theology...
Billy, Asher, Tyler, Seth, and Raymond...PRESENTE!

Red Card Homophobia

2010-09-13T22:59:00.004-05:00

Unless you've either been living in a cave, have never met me, or haven't read this blog before, you're definitely well aware of the fact that I'm a huge soccer fan. Some might say obsessive, but I'll wear that mantle proudly, because I really and truly love the game with a passion that often surprises me. The other night, while out with friends at home in MN to celebrate my birthday, my old roomie remarked, "Who would have thought you'd turn out to be the biggest sports nut I know?" And it's true...whether it's footy, baseball, or football (of the North American variety), I do love me some sports.

But one of my other passions is fighting for equality for people, regardless of their race, religion, sexual orientation, or gender. This is something that sometimes, especially when it comes to sexual orientation, conflicts with my love of sports, especially footy.

On LiveJournal, I belong to a football community. Sometimes, our team and country allegiances can cause us to not get along, but last weekend, something incredible happened. The community has banded together to create a movement called Red Card Homophobia. The goal is to work to combat the homophobia often associated with football, something that is desperately needed. Go here to check out the new blog and to learn more about getting involved.

Padre and Changes

2010-09-06T14:24:00.003-05:00

This past Saturday, I had the privilege of getting to go out to the Creighton Retreat Center in Griswold, IA, to talk with the current Cortina Community about Fr. Cortina.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Padre and how much my life has been impacted by him. I can't imagine where I would be and what my life would be like if I hadn't gone to El Salvador, if I hadn't had the most amazing conversation of my life with Padre, and if I hadn't started studying liberation theology when I did. That summer, the summer of 2003, changed everything and is still changing things.

It's amazing how one person, half-jokingly, saying, "You're going to go to El Salvador this summer" set the stage for everything.

But, really, the highlight of my time in Griswold was hearing the questions the students had for me and the reflections they offered during Mass. I only wish I could have been that articulate and insightful when I was a sophomore in college.

Absolutely gutted or How Ray LaMontagne broke my heart

2010-09-06T14:04:00.003-05:00

I had the chance of a lifetime last Monday. I worked a half day, then flew to Denver to spend the evening with my dear friend Nick. Not only did I get to spend time with one of my favorite people in the world, but we went to the Ray LaMontagne/David Gray show at Red Rocks. I had never been to Red Rocks before and the venue didn't disappoint. It was, in a word, stunning. And then Ray LaMontagne took the stage.

I've seen David Gray live several times (most memorably from the third row in Boston with the person responsible for my David Gray obsession), but I had never seen Ray. I had hoped it would be a good show. I was completely unprepared for the experience.

Music has always been a big part of my life; I have a running soundtrack in my head whenever I'm writing or doing just about anything. And I have a collection of songs so tied to memory that I can't help but laugh or cry or daydream when I hear them. But never before has music left me absolutely gutted. Watch the following video to understand what I mean.

There's no pretension, no acting, no putting on a show. Just raw emotion. "Jolene" has long been one of my favorite songs, but this version had tears streaming down my cheeks and left me feeling like I had just had every emotion ripped from me and yet, they were still there. Nick had this to say about the show:

"Ray LaMontagne just gutted me of every raw emotion I have ever had, put them in song form, and presented them back to me in a manner that allowed me to finally understand everything about myself. David Gray was good too, and stuff."

I'm right there with him. Days later, I cannot get over the show. The only thing that might have been better would have been if, for the encore, instead of singing "Dig A Pony" with David Gray the song they had sung had been "Flame Turns Blue."

Wherein Glenn Beck proves how little he knows...

2010-08-30T10:19:00.003-05:00

This weekend, Glenn Beck held a rally in DC. And while there's a lot that I could say about that, I want to focus on one part of it. Beck decided to go after liberation theology, under the premise that President Obama is a liberation theologian and that this theology will doom us all (sadly, I don't think I'm being to hyperbolic about that last part).

Here's Beck's definition of liberation theology:
I think it is much more of a theological question that he is a guy who understands the world through liberation theology, which is oppressor and victim...That is a direct opposite of what the gospel is talking about...It's Marxism disguised as religion.

As a student of liberation theology and as a liberation theologian myself (and yes, I wear that mantle proudly), I can't help but have a rather strong gut reaction to Beck's words. I'm sure that my fellow theologians and students who have come to love and live this theology feel the same, because it's not the first time (and likely won't be the last) that someone completely misunderstands what liberation theology is all about. Fr. James Martin, SJ, from America Magazine, has a great piece here in the Huffington Post, and I don't want to repeat him, as I think he says a lot of it well.

But what I want to say is this: those of us who come from positions of privilege, those of us who have never had to worry about where our next meal is going to come from, those of us who have access to education and clean water and more social capital than we can possibly spend...We have the option NOT to choose the poor, because our lives allow us to pretend they don't exist, and it is precisely for that reason that we MUST choose the poor. When Jesus tells the rich man to sell everything and follow him, he wasn't speaking in metaphors.

Ten years ago, almost to the day, I walked into my first class at Creighton. It was a philosophy class and if you had told me that walking in that door would forever change my life, I would have laughed at you. It was just a class, after all. But it was that professor who, two years later, would introduce me to Oscar Romero and the world of liberation theology. Which would lead me to El Salvador and Bolivia. And inspire my own theological project. Through it all, I learned that people who don't understand liberation theology are going to smear it, call it names, align it with Marxism (or whatever happens to be the buzz word of the day), and that the best thing I can do is to keep talking and writing about what it really is.

I would be proud to say my president is a liberation theologian. Whether or not President Obama claims that theology for himself, it's a far cry from the "victim of the government" mentality that Beck and his followers adopt.

Well, I guess that Vatican football league won't be forming now...

2010-08-04T08:48:00.003-05:00

I've been silent recently, mostly because I've been moving, settling into a new job, getting my feet underneath me, etc, etc. Plus, there was the World Cup which pretty much ate my life and my brain for an entire month, rendering me unable to talk about anything other than football. I decided to spare you all my incessant need to talk about all things football (well, really, all things related to Deutschland die Nationalmannschaft and Bayern Munich). As anyone who was unfortunate enough to have to interact with me during the World Cup (or is it since December?) can attest, I talked A LOT about football, and mostly to people who couldn't care less.

However, you are all no longer spared. Because, as a theologian, I feel the need to respond to something the Vatican has recently said. No, I'm not talking about the recent decision to make the (attempted) ordination of a woman a crime at the same level as pedophelia or that the Pope authorized his name to be used on a book on the "friends of Christ" and no women were included (because, clearly, Mary Magdalene doesn't rate). Rather, I want to talk about the recent Vatican comment on football. So you're getting a double whammy: I'm talking theology and I'm talking footy. You've been warned.

Serie A, which is the top Italian league, as announced that a 12:30pm Sunday fixture has been added this year. Now, some fans are less than pleased, but from my understanding, the reasoning behind this was so that more of the matches could be televised and there would be less direct competition between clubs for viewers, etc. But what really surprised me was that the Vatican felt the need to comment.

"I consider this a truly harmful development," said Monsignor Carlo Mazza in Tuttosport.

"Putting people in front of the television screen at 12:30, when they are having lunch with their families, to me seems like a "pitch invasion" on life.

"Family time is a very important institution and we cannont 'sell it off' to other events."
From Football Italia

Okay, now, if the argument were "this conflicts with Mass" or "you're forcing people to choose between their faith and their club," I'd be more understanding. But to argue that football is invading on family life? Clearly, Monsignor isn't a football fan. In most countries (the US being a major exception, since football isn't as important to the fabric of life here as it is in other countries due to our prosperity...which is a post for another time), football allegiances are not just because of geographical circumstance: they are passed down from parents. John Oliver, a correspondent for the Daily Show and co-host of The Bugle, talked about why he's a Liverpool fan: his dad was, and rooting against his father's team would have been akin to patricide. Football, in many places, is what brings people together.

For me, football has probably alienated my family a bit (sorry I keep talking about it, Mom and Dad...I really do try not to!). But it has strengthened friendships with old friends and brought me new ones. While scoring standardized tests for states, one of my co-workers was wearing a Barcelona jersey one day. So we talked footy for a few minutes on our break. Weeks later, he was my pub buddy for matches. Football isn't something that forces people to sit quietly in a room, ignoring each other. It begs interaction. As Brooks Peck said on my favorite footy blog:

Yes, how dare Italian football horn in on the sacred family bonding period that is lunch. To sell off the time where family members happen to be in the same room, stuffing food in their face holes at the same time, for a communal event that can spark emotion and discussion is truly an evil thing.

And I agree with Brooks on another point: perhaps the attention of the Vatican is better paid to the crises going on and not something that is actually a cause for interaction and community.

Seriously?

2010-03-18T12:18:00.002-05:00

Next week will mark the 30th anniversary of the assassination of Archbishop Oscar Romero of El Salvador. But despite the fact that he's one of the major figures in modern Latin American history...Texas doesn't think he's important. Or famous enough. Truthfully, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that he's not a white, upper middle class, property-owning evangelical Protestant fundamentalist.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Don't Mess With Textbooks

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Reform

Back in the theology saddle again...

2010-03-05T23:39:00.004-05:00

It's been an interesting week to be a theologian.

I woke up last Saturday to the news from Chile of the devastating earthquake there. My thoughts immediately turned to my dear Chilean friends (and, thank God, they and their families are all okay). And I found myself really missing St. Mary's and the community there.

I'm doing some writing for a young adult publication and as I've been trying to construct theological essays on call, mission, vocation, and other topics, I'm realizing that I do miss the writing and the doing of theology, but I don't miss the politics and the stress of grad school. But it's been tough, in some ways, to write because all I've written for the last nine months, minus some CPE stuff, has been scripts. So changing from the creative side back to the academic has been a good challenge.

I start a quasi-full-time job this Wednesday, so I'm expecting it to be a bit of an adjustment, as it's been almost seven months since I've had a 9-5 job. But I'm looking forward to it, too.

Now if I could just get over this sinus infection...

ALSO: I realize I didn't publicize my piece for the Help_Haiti auction over on LiveJournal, but I wand to be sure to do so for Chile. If you belong to LiveJournal, you'll definitely be able to see it but you should also be able to see it if you don't. The auction ends on Wednesday. And my offering is here!

Bits and pieces

2010-02-20T17:48:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm officially employed. It's only for six weeks and only for 12 hours a week, but at least it's something. With loans coming due very soon and credit cards to keep paying, it's a happy thing.

And Deetz, one of my volunteer roomies, was in town last week, and after a very early morning airport run to pick her up, a pair of nuns made us breakfast. So there was lots of catching up and lots of food, followed by a trip up to Fridley to visit Daigs and meet her adorable niece. I've seen lots of pictures of this adorable little girl, but she is SO adorable and she was a lot of fun.

And now I leave you with two recommendations. The first is the only workout I've found that's actually fun. Seriously. Check out Zumba. There are classes at most community centers and many gyms. It's fun.

The second recommendation is the British show Being Human. It's almost done with its second season, but it's well worth searching out and watching. It's about a vampire, a ghost, and a werewolf who share a flat in Bristol and it's NOT a comedy. It's one of the best-written shows on television and it just keeps getting better. If you like humor, things that make you think, and stories that suck you in, you'll love Being Human.

First post of the new year...

2010-01-27T23:50:00.002-05:00

I've been in a kind of radio silence recently, mostly because my life is pretty monotonous and thus I really don't have much to say. So here's a brief update of the goings on...

...had lunch with two friends today. We all have Masters degrees, all are lacking appropriate employment, and all live with our parents. We're trying to figure out how to turn a blog (jokingly entitled "Overeducated, Underemployed, and Living With Mom and Dad") about our experiences into financial gain. We also discussed get rich quick schemes. Needless to say, we came up with nothing.

...I was glad to hear President Obama's serious tone tonight. Because, as one of the 1 in 10 people (which is really more like 1 in 7, but...) who doesn't have a job, I know that it sucks. And while I didn't agree with the President on everything (ie a spending freeze in the midst of a recession is a BAD IDEA), it was nice to not have to throw any socks at the TV. I did, however, throw some during the Republican response, but that is neither here nor there.

...I found out today that I did not make it to the oral exams for the Foreign Service, so I'm out of the running for now. I can re-take the written exam in October if I want to, but I'm not thinking that far ahead (as, hopefully, I will have a job or something by then!).

...Howard Zinn died. This makes me sad. I got to hear him speak a few years ago and he was great.

...My wanderlust is terrible right now and I really wish I were anywhere else in the world. I need to travel. I need to...I dunno. I was reading a dear friend's blog today and it really made me miss Latin America. Yes, I realize he's in Africa, but it makes sense in my head.

Christmas

2009-12-26T21:03:00.002-05:00

A very merry Christmas to you all! Hopefully, you're all where you need and want to be, aren't too snowed in, and are able to enjoy this season.

Friday was the most picture-perfect Christmas I can remember. It was snowing beautifully all morning and since none of us had to go out, we were able to enjoy the weather sitting by a nice warm fire. Since yesterday marked two days since my knee surgery, I was pretty exhausted, so other than opening presents in the morning and lunch, I spent most of the day sleeping. Which was pretty great. And there was a new Doctor Who special to watch, which was also very exciting.

Yesterday, parts of the extended family came over, including my cousin Andrea's three little boys. Trey, who is about 6 months, is just adorable. And the other boys, who are like 4 and 7, were hilarious. Our cats went into hiding, but I think they're beginning to recover. Family friends rounded out the evening and it was good to see my hermano, my little brother's best friend since seventh grade.

I'm still fairly unmobile, as I'm still rather stiff and sore, so I'm enjoying lots of good TV (including The West Wing, of which I am now the proud owner of the ENTIRE series) and just taking it easy. I'm looking forward to celebrating with friends soon and I'm just feeling very content and blessed.

Changing tastes (or how Sam and Chary got me to like football)...

2009-12-13T01:50:00.003-05:00

I went to arguably the biggest football high school in the state of Minnesota. Football at EPHS is serious business. From the time I moved to Eden Prairie until I was in grad school (which was over a decade), our team hadn't lost a conference game. So you can imagine that I was...less than thrilled...upon arriving at Creighton and realizing that I was going to have to settle for soccer.

I confess, I only went to three games while at Creighton: homecoming my freshman year (which was really a let-down after the football games of my high school days), a random game later my freshman year (because I had a crush on a guy), and the first game of the season my sophomore year (which all Welcome Week leaders had to attend). I found it to be boring.

But recently, I decided to give football (of the non-North American sort) another chance and, to my surprise, I'm starting to really enjoy it. A pair of friends have gotten me hooked on one of the German teams (Bayern Munchen, for those who are curious) and I have other friends fighting over my allegiance for this summer's World Cup (though I'm pretty sure it's not fair for priests to use their position to secure support for their country's team...I'm just saying). So far, I'm evidently cheering for Chile and Germany and I'm allowed to cheer for Spain once Germany is out of the running. Or something like that.

But it's a good lesson in remembering that our tastes can change as we get old. I'll still take football (of the North American sort) or baseball over football anyday, but...at least I'll have something to occupy my time this summer.

Year In Review: Music Mix Edition

2009-12-06T01:52:00.002-05:00

As the year is coming to an end, and I'm attempting to actually get my cards out before New Year's, I figured this would be a great time to offer my official Year in Review mix. And I'll attempt to give credit where credit is due for how I stumbled upon things. :-)

1. Wanderful--Jericho For those who watch Glee (and if you don't, you should!), Jericho is Mark Salling, the guy who plays Puck. And I intentionally didn't put any Glee songs on here, as I don't want to spoil anyone who is behind AND because you should all be watching it. Anyway, Mark's album is really cool and this is one of my favorite tracks off of it. The album got a lot of play while I was writing for National Novel Writing Month.
2. Everybody--Ingrid Michaelson The title track off of her latest album, it's catchy and just positive and it makes me smile.
3. Guinevere--Kflay, MC Lars & YTCracker My friend Sam sucked me into the world of the BBC show Merlin this year and if you watch the show, this song is even funnier. I mean, it's funny if you're at all familiar with the legend, but...it's more fun when you picture Bradley James and the rest of the cast.
4. Corner--Allie Moss My musical twin, Annie, suggested I check out Allie Moss' EP earlier this year and I'm so glad she did. I've talked about her music before and I debated as to which song was going to make the mix and chose this one as it was upbeat and I think it's just a beautifully crafted song.
5. Teenage Dirtbag--Wheatus Thanks to a love of the show True Blood, I watched the HBO miniseries Generation Kill about the Recon Marines during the initial invasion of Iraq. If you haven't seen it, you should really watch it. It's from the same folks who did Band of Brothers and it's an important story to see and hear. I've since read the book of the same name by Evan Wright, the embedded reporter, and recommend that, too. But as for the song, it's one of the songs that the guys sing while driving through Iraq in their humvees and I was reminded of how much I love the song.
6. I Have Loved You Wrong--The Swell Season THIS. SONG. IS. AMAZING. Seriously, I'm not kidding. It is. Everything The Swell Season (the band name of Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, from the movie Once) does is brilliant, but this song...it may be the most fitting and heart-breaking song I've heard in a long time.
7. Nothing At All--David Ford One of his lighter songs, this song proves even more why David Ford is quickly climbing my Top Artists List (he's in the Top Five for singers, but not yet in the Top Five overall...but if the Counting Crows put out another album like their last one, he may just overtake them!).
8. Bad Romance--Lady GaGa I can't get this song out of my head and I don't care. I will confess that I kind of love Lady GaGa, her weirdness and all, and this song is by far my favorite. And she speaks French in it, which makes me happy for some reason.
9. California On My Mind--Wild Light My friend Paddy and I trade music ideas constantly and he suggested I download this one, as long as I didn't mind a little cursing (which, clearly, I don't at all). It's one of those great songs to listen to while driving with the windows open and the volume way up.
10. All I Want--The Ahn Trio I'm not sure where I first heard this (I'm embarrassed to admit it was either on One Tree Hill or So You Think You Can Dance...), but it's haunting and beautiful.
11. Bad Things--Jace Everett The theme song to True Blood. Not normally a country person, but this song just...yeah. It fits the show.
12. Maybe--Ingrid Michaelson After a rather interesting (in the Minnesotan sense) year at school and then a long summer, this song was on repeat a lot. And as someone who lives very much three months ahead of where I am at times, it's kind of fitting.
13. Lisztomania--Phoenix Another suggestion of Paddy's, I love the entire album, but the sheer nerdiness of the title of this song by Phoenix makes me giggle. My favorite parts of the album are when I can hear the French accent creep in.
14. Winter Song--Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson I'm starting to realized that there's quite a bit of Ingrid Michaelson on this mix, but I don't care. This song is gorgeous and I listened to it all summer, which is ironic because it's called "Winter Song"...
15. Inside Emotion--Storyhill Anyone who has done CPE (David...) will relate to this song...so much so that our wonderful supervisor played it for us one morning (and then I got him really hooked on Storyhill, a band introduced to me by Cabro years ago).
16. Casa Abierta--Guardabarranco This song is incredibly theologically rich and was brought to my attention by Heidi when we were planning the Romero prayer service back in March (though I had first heard it in Salvador years ago).
17. Trouble (Demo)--Ray LaMontagne I recently got my hands on all of Ray LaMontagne's early stuff and I love this quasi-demo for "Trouble" precisely because it's a little rougher than the album version. I love that man and his voice, though.
18. Old Stone--Laura Marling Someone made a mix and offered it online and I found this song. I'm not sure what draws me back to it, but I think it's another great soul-baring piece.
19. Song for the Road--David Ford Words cannot express how much I love this song. It's the single most played song on my computer (I'm too embarrassed to say how many plays) and it was the song that got me through writing my MDiv Closure statement. To be able to say "And I know someday this all will be over and it's hard to say what most will I miss. Just give me one way to spend my last moments alive and I choose this, I choose this, I choose this," despite all of the shit and the frustration and the pain of my final year of grad school...it meant a lot and it helped me to put things in perspective. Fact: some day, I will meet David Ford and totally fangirl when he plays this song.

Let's do the Time Warp again!

2009-11-30T02:38:00.003-05:00

Last night, I had the chance to go out with several girlfriends from high school (along with the cousin of one of my friends). We went to hear a band play at a local restaurant. The band is made up, in large part, of guys we went to high school with (all but one of whom were in our graduating class). Because they were playing a free show in our hometown, we knew the crowd was going to be intense. So we got there early and got a table, so we could eat and drink and stay for the show. Last night also happened to be the ten year reunion of the class of 99, which meant that a year from last night, we'll be at our ten year reunion. Which is all to say that it was a bit surreal, almost a time warp, as we were surrounded people I hadn't seen in a almost a decade, spent time catching up with old friends, and began to realize just how much has changed since we were all 17 and 18.

The four of us girls (my three friends and I) all have advanced degrees, we're all (for all intents and purposes) unemployed, and we're all living with our parents. But between the four of us, we've lived in Costa Rica, Bolivia, New York, Madrid, Omaha, Wisconsin, Scotland. We've worked and studied fashion, gender and peace building, theology, sculpture. We've been volunteers, we've helped nurse family members through various crises, we've helped open businesses, we've written and drawn and sketched and sculpted and proofread and procrastinated. And sometimes, in the midst of all the stress of being an adult (student loans, credit card payments, finding employment in a time when so many people are out of work), it's nice to be reminded that we're not alone, that others are in the midst of it with us, and that it's a good thing that we're not 17 or 18 anymore.

Gratitude

2009-11-26T20:45:00.002-05:00

I always have a hard time with these posts, because I'm always afraid that I'm going to forget someone or something important, so if I do, I apologize in advance.

I am grateful...
...for a family that has welcomed me home and supported me (in all manner of ways) as I make the transition from grad school to...whatever comes next.
...for my extended families, especially of the SJW and Ignatian varieties.
...for my "sister" and her family, who are a constant source of laughter and love.
...for my BFF, who let me live with her for ten weeks (thereby proving that we can indeed live with each other without killing each other!) and who was a great source of procrastination and fun all summer.
...for My Nick, who never fails to make things better. And who is a font of sanity.
...for Sarah. Words cannot express how much her friendship means to me and I'm so grateful that we've been able to hold each others' hands over the past year.
...for my Boston boys, who love me and take great care of me.
...for a fabulous final trip to Columbus, GA. It was the perfect end to that chapter of my life (this doesn't mean, however, that I'm done with the Teach-In, so Mike you can start breathing again).
...for getting the chance to see that the work that my friends and I did during undergrad has really continued to bear fruit. I was a very proud alumna during the Teach-In to say that least.
...for having a positive CPE experience. I know so many people who really hated it and I'm lucky that I can really only say positive things about it.
...for two adorable kittens (one of whom is curled up in my lap at the moment, making the typing of this difficult). Despite their propensity to sit outside my bedroom door and whine at night because I don't let them sleep with me, I adore them.
...for having been present at the ordinations of friends. And for the chance to visit Cleveland and go back to Boston and have amazing times with friends.

I know that there are lots of other things, and people, but that's what comes to mind. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

2009 IFTJ/SOA Weekend

2009-11-25T00:46:00.001-05:00

People have been asking about the weekend, and so rather than have to tell the same stories time and time again and rather than keep talking, I’m going to write about the weekend. This will probably end up part “this is what happened” and part journal-type reflection, so I really won’t be offended if people don’t read the entire thing (that said, if you’re going to ask questions about the weekend…please do read it first).

I was a little nervous going into Friday night, but not nearly as much as last year. Considering how bad my “stage fright” usually is before giving even a presentation in a class, I was kind of impressed at how much less twitchy I was this year. I think a big part of that was that Prescott, the third emcee, arrived nice and early and was not only up for the challenge of the weekend but very well equipped to handle it. That is all to say that we could not have asked for a better third emcee. He handled the ribbing with humor (the junior-most emcee usually gets stuck making lots of announcements) and he was flexible and able to adapt to the fact that things change on a regular basis.

The hours before we start are always crazy and this year was no exception. But everything just seemed to work this year. The kids from Jesuit High Portland were there early enough to be able to run through the prayer and go over the logistics and they did a fabulous job leading the opening prayer/water rite. The prayer, which needed to be under seven minutes, came in at six and a half and I was really proud and pleased with how well the whole thing worked. The speakers were great. Susan could not have started us off on a better note and the three Creighton students did a good job of concretizing the idea of “presente.” And, as he always does, Kevin Burke encouraged me, inspired me, and brought me to tears. He used a poem by Denise Levertov, along with music from Peter Gabriel, to accompany the Stations of the Cross from the UCA (if you click the link at the bottom of this page, you’ll see those images in the video). It reminded me of another Levertov poem about El Salvador (and Daniel this is where you should be proud, as you’re the one who introduced me to her work). In “El Salvador: Requiem and Invocation” she writes:
What do they ask,
the martyrs,
of those who hear them,
who know
the scorn, the cry?
What do their deaths demand?
We ask that our story be known
not as the story of Salvador only:
everywhere, greed
exploits the people,
everywhere, greed
gives birth to violence,
everywhere, violence
at last is answered with violence:
the desperate turn,
compulsed with pain,
to desperate means.

Those who were martyred
bequeathed a gift to the living,
their vision:
they saw, they told in their lives that violence—
is not justice, that merciless justice—
is not justice, that mercy
does not bind up
festering wounds,
but scrapes out the poison.

That ‘no one has to comply
with immoral laws’.

That power abused is powerless to crush
the spirit.

And then it was off to the breakout session. I missed one of the main speakers, as well as some of the student speakers, which was sad, but I needed to get my ducks in a row. Originally, I was going to be working with Nicole Vagle, who had been my teaching in high school and was in charge of the improv troupe that I was in, Playerz. Due to family obligations, she was unable to come, and so I had to come up with some way to do it. Luckily, several friends stepped up (thanks again, guys!) and helped me out. Which turned out to be great, because while I was expecting a slightly larger crowd on Friday night because it was the only time the breakout was being offered, I was not prepared for 128 people to show up for it. It also meant that I had to completely scrap what I was planning on doing (or, rather, scrap how I was planning on doing it) and then make it all up as I went along (guess it’s a good thing my background’s in improv, huh?).

Despite all of that, it went really well. Folks were eager to volunteer and to participate in scenes. We did a couple of things based around the same basic story and it was really powerful. And I think the message that theatre can be used as a tool for social chance really hit home for folks. Plus, we had a fabulous student volunteer who made my life a lot easier. All in all, it was a great success.

The remaining speakers on Friday night included my friend Sarah Berger, who has been involved with the Teach-In and SOA Watch for a very long time. Her uncle was responsible for the birth of the Teach-In and years ago, Sarah and I had worked together on the planning committee. And her talk was excellent. Our last speaker of the night was SOA Watch’s national organizer, Eric LeCompte. Because he was home in Louisiana with his ailing father, Roy Bourgeios, the founder of SOA Watch, missed the Teach-In and the vigil for the first time. It was sad not to have him with us, but Eric did a great job.

After it was all over for the night, I got to have dinner with one of my dearest friends, Nick. He and his mom and his sister and her fiancé were all down there for the weekend, and I was lucky to get a chance to steal him away for a bit. Having both been to Salvador and having lived in Bolivia at the same time, it was great to be able to talk to someone without having to do a lot of explaining. I heart my Nick and it’s sad I don’t see him that often. Though I did learn an important lesson while taking him home: if I’m going to leave Columbus, I definitely need directions. Crossing the river proved to be far more difficult than it should have been (though I still want to explain to Alabama that Phoenix is not spelled Phenix…). When I got back to the hotel, I was ready to crash, but that wasn’t in the cards. I’ll explain why a little later.
Saturday morning, still very sleep deprived, I scared myself by looking in the mirror immediately after waking up. It wasn’t pretty. But I managed to get myself ready and drag myself over to the Convention Center. I was privileged to witness my classmates and friends from BC, Michelle and Heidi, along with a high school student and Nestor, my friend Cara’s fiancé, lead us in a beautiful opening prayer. And after a few student speakers, I got to sit with Heidi as we listened to Gene Palumbo, a journalist who has lived in Salvador for more than twenty years, give his talk. One of the highlights for me during the weekend was getting to introduce Bill Quigley, who is one of my heroes. He’s not only an incredible person who must not sleep (he’s a professor at Loyola New Orleans in their law school, runs the Poverty Law Center and the legal clinic there, and is the Lead Counsel for both SOA Watch and the Moratorium Campaign), but he’s one of the best speakers I have ever heard. In 2002, at my first Teach-In, he came and talked to us about the following morning’s action and talked about civil disobedience. And this year, he was one of our main stage speakers. And he did not disappoint. The part that really stands out to me is that he talked about needing to see the beauty in things, because if all we see is the injustice, we’ll become “social justice cranks.” SO true!

There were a bunch of other great speakers on Saturday morning. A young woman named Farah from Iraq talked about the situation in her country. And Liz McAlister, Phillip Berrigan’s widow, talked about nuclear non-proliferation and disarmament. But again this year, it was the closing prayer that really got me. While two of the Jesuits read the names of the 57 men who have been killed since GC 32, the Jesuits in the crowd came up, lit candles, and then took places in the aisles. Last year, there were more Jesuits at the Teach-In than there were names to call. This year, it proved to be even more powerful when there were fewer Jesuits than names. After all the names had been read, we sang the St. Louis Jesuits’ version of the Suscipe (better known as “Take, Lord Receive”) and then the Jesuits offered a blessing over all of us. It’s always powerful, but for some reason this year, I felt like it was even more so.

After prepping for liturgy and getting things set up for that night, I had a two and a half hour break. And then it was right back to the Convention Center to finish the prep work for Mass. Mass was beautiful and it was fun to join the choir for the first time (but only for part of the Mass). Once it was over, after breathing a few huge sighs of relief, I had dinner with my friend Mike and his high school students, which was a fun break from the bigger crowds. Then, after a little TV and some relaxation, I crashed.

Sunday morning, Sarah and I finally dragged our butts out of bed and headed to the vigil. We arrived at 10, which meant that we had only about 40 minutes before we had to leave to walk back to the car and drive to Atlanta. Unfortunately, the vigil was running behind schedule and the litany, which was supposed to start at 10, didn’t start until about 10:40, which meant that I was already walking out when they finally started. But I got to spend a little more time with Nick (and his family) and with Heidi and a few of the other STM folks. Plus, it was rainy and cold and just dreary out. I was a little annoyed, but…what can ya do? The crowd was the smallest I have seen since my first year there, which is probably a combination of assuming things will change under Obama, the economic crisis, the shite weather, and the fact that Roy Bourgeois wasn’t there for the first time ever. So it was a little bit of a let down. The drive back was uneventful and then Sarah and I, after returning the car and checking in, headed to a sports bar to watch some football (but of course not the games either of us cared about) and have a few beers. I was good and tipsy by the time my flight left, which was much needed.

The two highlights of the weekend for me were the two things that were totally unplanned and, frankly, not even on my radar when I was thinking of what I wanted to get out of the weekend. I spent almost two hours late on Friday night (which really meant it was early Saturday morning) sitting in the lobby of the Columbus Marriott with a group of current Creighton students, talking mainly about El Salvador. Most of them had done the trip this past summer, and so we were sharing stories of Guarjila, John and the Tamarindos, and Tom Kelly. They were psyched to hear that I had not only met Jon Cortina, but that I had gotten a chance to get to know him a bit. And, despite the fact that I was exhausted (literally running on an hour and a half of sleep), I found that I didn’t want to go upstairs and sleep. My dear friend Dave Turnbloom wrote a song a few years ago called “To the 1st World” and one of the lines is “We sleep when we should love.” And I had that in the back of my mind as I sat there, my body protesting, but my heart feeling like it had found a home.

While the official theme of the weekend was “Presente”, for me, the theme was also questions of home and homelessness. On Saturday, I had the chance to have a long conversation over a long lunch with a Jesuit friend who had done his regency in El Salvador. We talked a lot about spiritual and psychological homelessness, which is something that has been a huge part of my adult life. Home is both home and not home and that’s not an easy thing to deal with. I’m not going to get into the details of our conversation, because I’ve already written far more than most of you probably wanted to hear about the weekend, but words cannot express how much my heart needed that conversation.

Before going down, Nick and I had talked at length about the importance of being fed along the journey, of being surrounded by people who give you energy and strength and encouragement, and of re-connecting with the things that really give life. And, ultimately, that’s what the weekend was for me. Despite the lack of sleep and the fact that I had a lot of responsibility, I walk away from the weekend exhausted in the physical sense and energized in the spiritual and psychological senses. I got to share the weekend with a close friend, I got to reconnect with old friends and meet new ones, I got to hear about the amazing things going on at my alma mater (and to take some pride in the fact that the work that Sean and Theresa and I and others did is still bearing fruit), I got to have one of those soul-baring conversations, and I got to see the joy on the faces of thousands of people as we rocked out to “We Are One Body.” The weekend was, in a word, Eucharist.

Heartfelt congrats

2009-10-11T16:35:00.002-05:00

I'm back in Boston and will update about that later, but I want to offer my congrats to the seven newly ordained deacons at the Boston College School of Theology and Ministry: Miguel, Michael, Kevin, John, Richard, Derrick, and Miguel.

And a very big congrats to my dear friend, Friar Matt Foley, who was ordained as a priest yesterday!

The newest additions to our family...

2009-10-06T18:24:00.007-05:00

So, on Saturday, my mom and I went to a pet adoption. We had gone the previous weekend to look at dogs and there was a dog we were interested in looking at. Well, the puppy (who is actually 4) wasn't there, but we walked around and then...we found the kittens. And so my parents and I are now the proud adoptive family for two adorable five month old kittens.

First, meet Guinevere (Gwen for short).

While her adoption photo doesn't do her justice, it does allow you to see her face. She's a sweetie pie. Absolutely beautiful (even my brother, who berated my father for ten minutes for allowing us to get cats, thinks she's gorgeous), super silky fur, and a doll. She's adjusted well and is currently playing with a piece of plastic in the dining room. Here are some other photos of her playing.
Our other new arrival requires a little bit of explanation. He is Gwen's litter mate and we adopted him, too, because we figured that she'd be less lonely. My father has maintained for a while now that, if we were to get a male cat, he would name it Schrodinger, and thus, meet Schrodinger:As he is still VERY easily spooked and has yet to really warm up to us (this is the best photo we've gotten of him so far...),the name fits because we both have a cat and don't have a cat. If you don't get the joke, watch this:

All in all, they're great and I'm like a new parent, scared to leave them for the weekend (I'm headed to Boston to celebrate the diaconate ordinations of like seven classmates and the priestly ordination of my friend Matt).

A sad day

2009-09-22T17:25:00.002-05:00

I received a message today from a friend who is studying at the Maryknoll Language Institute (IDEIM) in Cochabamba. We've been in touch a bit since he's been down there and it's been mostly happy stuff. But today, he had sad news to pass along.

Roxana, one of the teachers at IDEIM, passed away last night due to complications from a C-section. Her child did survive. For any of us who have studied at IDEIM in the past and had the chance to either meet or work with or get to know Roxana, this is a very sad day indeed.

I had the chance to have her for all six weeks. She was my lectura professor for the first three weeks and for the second three weeks, after she had deemed my reading level acceptable (aka fluent, for all intents and purposes), our classes became conversation. Roxana had a smile always lit up the room and she was almost always smiling. And she had a great sense of humor, making me laugh even when I was frustrated or crabby or tired.

We shared a lot during those six weeks and kept in touch a bit after I left Bolivia. She sometimes (always outside of class) used me to practice her French. But the one day that stands out in my mind was the day that the "honeymoon" period ended for me in Bolivia. Roxana's class was my final one of the day and when she came in, she found me that Wednesday frayed and broken. I had just had a horrible experience in my conversation section and as soon as Roxana asked me if I was okay, I burst into tears. We spent the next hour talking and, the funny thing was, despite the fact that I had started in English (mostly because I was frustrated with my inability to remember certain words and my lack of progress), by the end of the hour, I was laughing through my tears and speaking in Spanish. She was an incredible teacher and she will be missed.

Please keep her husband and their child in your prayers, as well as the staff and students of IDEIM. Her death is a great loss to so many. Y a mis amig@s en Bolivia, tod@s vos estan en mis oraciones y mis pensamientos.

Birthdays

2009-09-15T01:37:00.002-05:00

Here's a random fact about me that you might not know: I share a birthday with Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Honduras, and El Salvador. Now if that's not fate, I'm not sure what is! And a very happy to those five Central American countries!

I also share a birthday with Saint Joe's in Philly (the Jesuit university there). That's pretty cool, too. AND the year before I was born, Sandra Day O'Connor was unanimously approved by the Senate Judiciary Committee to become the first female justice on the Supreme Court. I also share the day with Dave Annable (from Brothers and Sisters), Prince Harry, and Tommy Lee Jones.

Not so good things that have happened on my birthday? Well, in 1935 the Nuremburg Laws were enacted in Germany. I'm not so much for discrimination and hatred. In 1862, the Confederates gained control of Harper's Ferry. In 1963, four children were killed in the bombing of 16th Street Gospel Church in Birmingham, AL. Let's hope that 2009 turns out to be better than 2008 and no major corporations decide to go belly up and that the economy gets better, not worse, and that people show each other some love.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig!

2009-08-17T23:35:00.003-05:00

CPE is (finally) over and I'm back in MN. The last week of CPE was LONG and I think we were all ready to be done about a week before we were done. There was some chaos the last two weeks and it was just stressful to be there. So I am very glad that I will no longer have to talk about my feelings in a group of people I did not choose (that's not to say that I didn't like my group...I did, very much, but...seriously...it just gets old!). Despite the uncertainty as to what the future holds (other than about 25 years of repaying student loans), it's very good to be back home. Plus, the weather here is a million times better than Boston and about a thousand times better than Omaha, so I'm enjoying sunshine and warmth but not heat and not humidity.

Saturday, I threw a baby shower for my old roomie, Johanna, and it was great. Seriously, if you want to throw a good party, just make sure that some CSJs come. They make everything better. And the day was capped off with dinner at the Cleveland Wok (if you're ever in St. Paul, and you like all-you-can-eat Chinese food that's super yummy and at a good price, GO THERE!), some Doctor Who, and getting to just sit and talk with J. I was so grateful to come home to a group of amazing and supportive women. And I even got a lead on another job, so that was exciting.

Sunday morning, Johanna and I went out for brunch and despite our over-sharing, EP frat boy of a waiter, it was a great experience (Best. Hashbrowns. Ever.). And it was so good to get to spend some time with J, just the two of us.

All in all, I'm really trying to stay calm about the fact that I've already received my first bill for students loans and trying to trust that I'll find work soon. I know that I'm capable and qualified and so...I'm just going to trust that something will work out. Of course, my little brother had a job basically fall into his lap, which makes it hard to not panic (and feel a little spiteful), but my parents have been great about letting me move back in for the foreseeable future. Not that living with mom and dad in your late 20's is fun, but in this economy, I'm not going to complain about having a roof over my head. Plus, Mom's a great cook, so at least I'll be eating far healthier than I did this summer!

Who said CPE wasn't all sunshine and puppies?

2009-08-07T20:08:00.005-05:00

My fellow group members have learned that, when I'm having a bad day, I joke about wanting "sunshine and puppies." Well, today, my fellow intern Rory made that happen.

Exhibit A:
Rory holding the Sunshine cake: mandarin orange cake with pineapple frosting. Super yummy and a great compliment to his theory paper on pastoral care on the pediatric unit.

And Example Two:Rory with Tigerlily, one of the therapy dogs at pet therapy.

It was pretty great. There were kids and puppies and sun and cake and yeah. Not a bad way to end an otherwise-stressful week. I'm on call tomorrow from 8am until 2am on Sunday, but then it's only five days left until the end. Thank goodness. I know I'm not the only one who is ready to be done.

On-Call and LOTS of books

2009-07-19T21:38:00.002-05:00

I had my first experience of being on-call this weekend. We each take one weekend, from 8:30 on Saturday morning until 7:30 on Sunday night. When my pager went off at 8:10am on Saturday, I knew I was going to be in for a long day.

And it was a long day. Since I have to be careful not to divulge details, let's just say that trauma and chaos and death were the order of the day. We almost had to call in a third chaplain to help us handle it all (but the two of us did a pretty fabulous job, if I do say so myself!).

When I finally headed home at about 6pm, I expected my pager to go off all night. Blessedly, it didn't. At all. I kept waking up, thinking I had heard it, but it was silent. And it was silent all day today (save for the three times I paged myself, just to see if it was working). So I was able to make up for the sleep I lost last night expecting my pager to go off and I was able to give my body some much-needed rest. Yesterday was my first day off of crutches and I was a little sore today, though it was less my knee and more my entire body (which is a good sign). Add to that a little bit of ice cream, a new episode of True Blood, the Yankees game both being on TV and resulting in a win for the Yankees, and the last of the Aurora Teagarden mysteries...and you have a pretty great day.

A little public service announcement: I have now read all but two books available from Charlaine Harris. I've read all the Sookie Stackhouse books (the ones that True Blood are based on), all the Lily Bard books, all the Aurora Teagarden books, and all of the Harper Connelly books. The only books I have left are the two that aren't part of series. If you're looking for good, fun, somewhat suspenseful reading...you should read her stuff. I love her work and I'm very sad I'm running out of books! To give you an idea of how many books that is in total, it adds up to 25 books. Can't say I haven't been productive this summer!

Oy with the knees

2009-07-14T22:42:00.003-05:00

I walked out the sliding door onto the deck at my parents' house on Saturday morning and had to stop and just soak in the amazingness that is Minnesota in the summer. It was in the low 70's, with bright blue skies and low humidity, with some fluffy clouds and lots of sun. And people wonder why I love Minnesota so much.

Things I don't love so much? My knees. Specifically the right one. After spending a few hours on my feet on concrete at the Basilica Block Party, my right knee decided to die (and by die I mean commence with the swelling and the pain). The swelling has gone down somewhat, but it still hurts and it's interfered more than I'd like with my work. Monday, I was wheeled up to the floor in a wheelchair by one of my groupmates (the floor I work on is a couple of buildings over from where our office is). And today, I didn't make it to the floor because of rounds and meetings and then having to come home a bit early in order to medicate. I hate being in pain and I hate having to change things because of it, but...nothing I can do about it other than rest, elevate, and ice. I met someone yesterday, an elderly man about to get a knee replaced, and I was seriously jealous. I want a new knee. One that can't cause me pain.

Should prove to be an interesting rest of the week...

Homeward bound!

2009-07-10T12:52:00.002-05:00

Tonight, as soon as I get off from work (and throw my suitcase in the car, which will first require throwing things into my suitcase), Jill and I are headed up to the Cities for the weekend. Tomorrow night, we have tickets for the Counting Crows at the Basilica Block Party, which is exciting, but mostly, I'm just glad to be headed home for a few days (even if it does add 12 hours of driving to a weekend).

I had my first on-call experience this week. I didn't get paged, so instead I watched some Torchwood while sitting at my desk at the hospital. Despite the fact that I live five minutes away, I decided to just stick around for the extra three hours and it was kind of nice to have the office all quiet and to myself. Next weekend will be my first weekend on-call (36 hours, give or take, from Saturday morning until Sunday evening), so we'll see how that went. Guthrie was the first of us to take a weekend and he, well, let's just say he spent a fair bit of time at the hospital.

As it's time for me to get upstairs on the floor, go here and enjoy the clip that has been the source of much laughter for our group (and yes, we might sometimes teasingly do this to each other).

Feeling a little homesick...

2009-07-08T10:48:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine from my parish in Boston wrote this about our parish a while ago, and it's so beautiful and so perfectly fits what I would want to say about it that I feel the need to post it here, too. I've really been missing the parish recently (not Boston in general, but the parish in particular) and this made me both happy and homesick. So thanks, Santi, for describing it better than I ever could.

The church we attend on Sundays does not look like your typical cathedral. It is a simple building, with a flat roof, uninspiring flat columns save for the light and sometimes palm placed at the top. The alter area is deep covered in red carpet, with a clean, wooden cross under spotlights on the back wall. The altar sits at the front of this space, with a good thirty feet between itself and the back wall. That space holds a large basin for water, and nothing else. There is so much space that the young children sporadically run around the space during the Mass. I like to think the kids are carefree, either because they are filled with God, or because they are just playing. (I am guessing it is the latter, which, after all, is simultaneously inspiring to and created by the former). There are three chairs to the left of the altar as you are in the pews and the choir sings to the right of the altar. Without the community, the church would not necessarily be the prettiest a Catholic or Christian or anyone has seen. But when the people enter, the R's start to roll, the clapping and music begin, the children start to run, the strangers greet each other as the celebration commences, the church erupts with life. It is exciting! And joyous! To the point that all of us who ever doubted that we could enter Mass as a Catholic and ENJOY it, are quickly corrected. I can't help but take part in the beauty that is to share with one another.

Post lovingly stolen from here.

Random bits...

2009-07-02T22:43:00.004-05:00

I received a phone call from my old roomie yesterday. She's currently working at a legal clinic for immigrants and refugees in Arizona and she needed my help. There was a document they needed translated for a legal proceeding and, being the only Portuguese speaker she knows, she called me to see if I could help out. I should temper this with the fact that I don't really speak Portuguese, but I can read it and I can translate it. And so one of my projects this weekend will be translating about two paragraphs worth of Portuguese and then signing an affidavit that the translation is correct to the best of my abilities. That last part is a little scary, as despite the fact that I am confident in my ability to correctly render the text in English, it's always different when you have to sign a legal document attesting to that fact.

I'm feeling a Doctor Who marathon coming on. I'm not sure what kind of marathon (a season, a theme) I'm in the mood for, but I think I need a healthy dose of the Doctor and I need it soon. I'm super excited for the Torchwood season to start, simply because it's at least quasi-close to Doctor Who.

I'm fighting the wanderlust still. Which is making the whole job application thing even more difficult, because suddenly moving across the country sounds like a fun adventure in a way that isn't really normal for me. Oh well. Gryffindor spirit and all.

And just when you thought that the parking lot concert was great, here are the boys busking on a corner in the Old Market here in Omaha (their car had died and needed help).

Fly to El Salvador...

2009-06-30T12:39:00.002-05:00

Maybe it's because of the Honduran coup, but I'm in a Latin American state of mine lately. I want to hop on a plane and head south. And it's not just wanderlust, which I'll admit kicks in whenever I spend more than two weeks in Nebraska, but it's also the fact that my heart is there. Reading about the coup and the response of the neighboring nations makes me proud of what has been accomplished in places like El Salvador.

But I'm frustrated that I don't know Honduras, don't know which websites and news outlets are trustworthy, the way I do Salvador. And so I'm left reading a lot of information and trying to figure out what is really going on. And while my Spanish is good, it does get exhausting trying to decipher truth out of several different newspapers (especially after a hard day at the hospital).

I've started getting quite a few Spanish referrals and they're always interesting. Ninety percent of the time, the patients and their families seem rather surprised to see a (very) white girl who speaks Spanish with such a strong Bolivian accent (fear not, Cristian, I am doing my best not to let you and the others corrupt my accent any more than you already have!). And speaking like a Bolivian has already posed some interesting grammar and pronunciation challenges. I'm learning that I have to almost anglicize my words in order to be understood by folks from farther North (esp. Mexico). And there aren't a lot of South Americans living in the Omaha area.

But, regardless, I'm going to continue singing Athlete's "El Salvador" as I head off on my rounds.

It's time to tear this place down
I've got the last gig on my mind
Not seen my friends in ages
Have I been left behind?
It's time to figure out why
I find myself in custody
With each and every question
Words come so easily
Fly to El Salvador
I don't know why and I don't know what for

Fools, Horses, and Hospitals

2009-06-26T23:06:00.003-05:00

I am VERY grateful that it's the weekend, because I am EXHAUSTED. It was a long week, with some amazing highs (and some serious lows) and it's nice to have time to sleep.

The third week of CPE has come and gone and it included lots of firsts and lots of stress and lots of insanity. I learned a lot, had some great moments, fell on my face occasionally, and am slowly starting to figure out what it is I'm supposed to be doing. Wednesday was probably the most insane day at that hospital I'll see during my ten weeks and the fact that I hadn't slept much the night before left me REALLY tired at the end.

But I got a nap in when I got home, so that helps.

The highlight of the week was having the boys from Fools & Horses here for a couple of nights. They played two open mic nights here in Omaha and proved to be the best house guests ever (they not only did their dishes, they did our dishes AND took out the trash. Our apartment was cleaner when they left than when they arrived!). And they sounded good, too, and were invited back at both bars. So hopefully they'll be headed back out this way soon.

The mom of their merch girl drove seven hours from SD to hear them play three songs on Tuesday night, and so she was treated to a mini-concert from Matt (with a little help from Steve) in the parking lot of the bar.

Last weekend's family reunion in MN was great, complete with lots of laughter and a rather harsh sunburn (which is now itchy). Four generations of my mom's side of the family gathered at my aunt and uncle's place for a day of food and fun and water sports (as well as celebrating my grandparents' 61st anniversary and Fathers' Day).

And last night, I had to say goodbye to Nick, who is moving to Denver in the morning. But he made me dinner and we watched a little of The Daily Show and laughed and I might have cried a little. But it was so great having a chance to spend time with him these last few weeks. He's good people.

And now, dear ones, it's off to bed. And tomorrow, I will sleep in and enjoy EVERY minute of it!

Non-violence in Iran

2009-06-17T23:10:00.003-05:00

I really wish that the first segment from tonight's Rachel Maddow show were already up, because there is lots of stuff contained in it and it's what prompted this reflection.

I have been a student of peace studies for years. And despite the fact that I truly believe that people are inherently good, while watching the footage from Iran, I still have a fear in the pit of my stomach that the Republican Guard is going to crack down in a scene that will make Tienamen Square look humane. And Rachel pointed out that most of us have the fear. Then she asked a question: what if this is less like Tienamen and more like the Berlin Wall?

I know that it's too soon to speculate as to what will happen, as it seems like tomorrow there will be even more people in the streets and it's getting harder and harder for folks to get the story out, but watching the reaction of the protesters today, who simply sat down when confronted by the militia, gives me hope that we're seeing the start of a non-violent revolution.

And I know that some of you are reading this and thinking that I'm crazy, that I think that the power of non-violence can really work, but it has. It worked in Chile and in the Civil Rights movement here in the US and it overthrew Milosevic in Bosnia. It does work. And I sure hope that Iran is going to be added to that list!

Cleveland (Part Two)

2009-06-14T23:03:00.003-05:00

So, really, few things are better than curling up with a good book and a snuggly dog. Only my love of Cait kept me from trying to smuggle Luna (who is not a small dog) back to Omaha with me in my suitcase. But seriously, as much as I wish I had been up for being social, I needed the night in. And it was great.

Cy's Mass this morning was beautiful. Truthfully (and a certain Jesuit friend of mine may come after me for this...), I have never seen a rookie priest do as well the first time out. Granted, he's a perfectionist, but he really did a beautiful job. And the Gesu is a beautiful church. So it was really a lovely time. It was funny to think, too, that several of our other classmates were celebrating Mass at the same time in different cities. Truly, it's one of the cool things about the Catholic Church: there is a heck of a lot of intimacy and interconnectedness in something that is huge and beyond comprehension. A good example? Went with a friend while she got tattooed yesterday and her friend joined us. Turns out that she's good friends with Andrew, who is Cait and Megan's current roomie. Small world, right? It's really amazing all of the different connections that exist out there. I had two people come up to me at the reception yesterday because they recognized me from SOA, which is cool (and a little bit scary!).

I skipped out on the reception this morning and headed to the airport, because I hadn't printed off my itinerary and I can only access the last 20 emails on my phone, so I figured I'd better be safe than sorry. And i missed getting out on an earlier flight by like 2 minutes. And I mean a literal two minutes. That, combined with the delay in Chicago, meant that I missed the season premiere of one of my TV addictions. Luckily, I caught it on the repeat an hour later. Can't get behind already!

So basically, I'm back in Omaha, exhausted, and both looking forward to and dreading work tomorrow. But only 45 more days at the hospital until we're done! And having already made two patient visits, I'm a bit (only a bit) less nervous. But now, I'm going to pass out, because I am EXHAUSTED. At least tonight, there won't be a Luna wanting to snuggle at 2am!

Cleveland (Part One)

2009-06-13T22:14:00.002-05:00

After what felt like the world's longest layover in Detroit (okay, it was only three hours, but coming at the end of my first week of CPE, I was definitely antsy to get to Cleveland and relax with friends), I arrived in Cleveland and picked up my rental car. GPS is a God-send for me, as I have no sense of direction to begin with, can't make my brain connect what I'm looking at on a map to what I'm seeing in front of me, and I had never been to Cleveland before. The boys told me what intersection to plug into the GPS and in about 20 minutes, I had successfully joined up with them. After a few beers and some good conversations (on both light and serious topics), I was off to Ferngully.

Ferngully is the community two of my friends live in and when I walked in, there was an immediate sense of being home. Maybe it's the smell of patchouli (they are pretty much hippies, after all), but it felt a lot like Spirit of Peace had at its height and it was great to snuggle up with Luna, the resident pooch, and catch up with old friends. Bedtime came later than it probably should have, but it was mitigated by the fact that the ordination I believed to be at 10am was actually scheduled for 1pm. So I still got a good night's sleep.

The ordination today was beautiful (though I think most of us could have done without the bishop's 25-minute soliloquy on the history of the priesthood) and in addition to being able to celebrate with Cy, it was great to see some former classmates who have since moved on (Simone, I'm looking in your direction!). And it was good to see Michael and the boys again (even if they had to leave for Buffalo and won't be coming to the Mass with me tomorrow).

After the ordination, I hung out with my friend Lisa. My tattoo didn't happen this weekend (it's a long story), but hers did, and it looks great. Then we had a fabulous dinner and I decided that I was exhausted enough to need some down time, so rather than heading out with friends, I'm sitting on the couch (my bed for the weekend) with a book (and my computer, clearly), while Luna reminds me that she's the boss of this couch and if I'm going to sit here, I'd better darned well be petting her.

I suspect more theological reflections on this weekend will eventually follow, but for now, congrats to all of my classmates (six in all) who have been ordained between last weekend and this weekend. The Church is a better place because of all of you.

Quick update

2009-06-09T18:14:00.001-05:00

Well, after two days of orientation (99% of which had nothing to do us as chaplains), we finally had some time with our supervisor. And we received our clinical assignments. I'm on a med-surg floor for part of the time (which means I'll see a little bit of everything and anything) and I'm on SOTU (Solid Organ Transplant Unit) the rest of the time. I'm super stoked about SOTU, as the patients tend to be longer-term, which means I'll actually have a chance to build relationships with some of them. Looks like it's going to be an adventure! Tomorrow afternoon, I'll orient on SOTU and then on Thursday morning, I'll orient on the med-surg floor. And then after a half-day on Friday, I'll head to Cleveland for Cy's ordination. Can't wait!

Homaha

2009-06-05T19:04:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm back in Omaha. The last few days have been alternately crazy and relaxed, which has been a nice pace. Got in on Tuesday, did my conference call with Nick in his office (which was such a good time!), then picked up a little Rice Bowl for dinner and hung out at Jill's place (which is slowly starting to feel a bit like home). Later that night, Nick and I ended up at the Homy (and Jill joined us a bit later), and it was nice to spend time with him at a place that has so much history from over these years.

Wednesday was my physical at the Med Center. For those who don't know, on Monday, I'll be starting a ten-week Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) chaplaincy internship at the Nebraska Medical Center. And so Wednesday included a TB test (the first of two...gotta love having lived in Latin America!), a titer for Hep B antibodies (to make sure that the vaccine took!), and a DPat booster (tetanus, dipthyria (sp?), and pertussis). And we all know how much I love being around needles! But spending some time in the Center for Service and Justice (CCSJ) at Creighton helped heal the wounds!

Yesterday included coffee with a former professor (well, not one I ever had, but one I knew fairly well) and a trip to Barnes and Noble for fun reading (I've now read all of the available Sookie Stackhouse novels and am starting to work my way through the other works of the author, Charlaine Harris).

Today, I got to pick up Cabs at the airport, as she was flying in to surprise her boyfriend for his birthday. Her boyfriend is actually in my CPE cohort, so that's funny. Actually, the diocesan seminarian was two years behind Jill in high school and evidently, the other woman is the mother of one of Cabs and Rory's classmates. Nice and incestuous already. Hardly surprising, I suppose. Anyway, after a lovely lunch at the Upstream with Cabs, I dropped her off to surprise Rory. He was, indeed, VERY surprised and it was nice to get to meet him for a few seconds. Then I was off to Creighton to pick up Nick to deliver him to the airport (twice in one day!) for his trip to Ireland. We sang a little Journey in the car (courtesy of the Glee cast...watch the show when it premieres this fall!!! So good!) and then he was off to hang with Rez and see the Emerald Isle. I'm only a wee bit jealous, but I sent him bearnig music for Matt, so at least some good music (David Ford and Allie Moss, among others) get to visit Matt for me.

And now, it's one last weekend of freedom before the internship starts on Monday (after a wee bit of drama today, I am officially cleared to start work...it took a full hour to get my TB test read...which literally takes, oh, .5 seconds) and then travel the next few weekends. Mainly, my job this weekend is to get the draft of my final academic paper done. So to that I turn...

An update of sorts

2009-05-30T14:54:00.003-05:00

New Orleans was a bit of a whirlwind, but it was amazing and fantastic. I loved the city, loved the folks I interviewed with, and am hoping that things work out with the job, because it's a great fit. But we'll see. It was great catching up with Robbie and yeah...it was just a great trip.

Since I've been home, I've been (slowly) working on my last academic paper for my MDiv and generally being quasi-lazy. Come Tuesday, I move down to Omaha, so I really need to get some more writing done so that I'm able to use my first few days in town to catch up with folks, before work starts on the 8th. I'm really looking forward to the internship and the insanity that will be the summer.

Had brunch today with a couple of former students (and the friend of one of them). So fun to switch in an out of Spanish, talk Salvador with someone who knows the country, and catch up on the crazy gossip from the world of Catholic high schools. Amazing what goes on at one school!

Mom and Dad are off on vacation in Wyoming, so it's just me and the brother around the house. Time for baseball and paper writing!

Insanity

2009-05-23T00:11:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm officially home. I have been since late Wednesday night, but it feels good to have had a few days to relax. In the morning, I'm off to New Orleans to visit my childhood best friend and to interview for a job. I'll post more on the job after the interview, but suffice it to say that I REALLY want this job. This week has been a bit insane...

Monday was graduation.

Tuesday was lots of packing and some cleaning, coupled with a conference call for November and capped off with dinner and drinks with friends at Charlie's Kitchen in Harvard Square. With one notable exception missing (as Peter was already home in western MA), I got to spend my last night in town with the people closest to me in Boston, and that was a gift. I managed to make it through most of the night without crying, but definitely lost it when Drew and Tricia dropped me off at home. Saying goodbye to Drew was really hard, even though I know I'm going to see them all again in a few months.

After enjoying a lovely case of food poisoning (and spending most of the night NOT sleeping), I was up bright and early to prepare for the arrival of my movers...except they were an hour and forty-five minutes late and I was a bit annoyed. But they got all of my stuff out and then I spent some time cleaning/talking to Peter and Sarah online before one final Chipotle snarkfest with Brian. I finished my cleaning and walked out the door with my bags at 3:25, Michael arrived at 3:30, and after dropping my keys off at BC, it was off to Logan.

I'd like to take a minute to suggest that anyone who has the option to fly Midwest Express choose to do so in the future. Holy comfort, Batman! We were a little late leaving Boston, but my flight out of Milwaukee was delayed by two hours, so it all worked out. I was a bit annoyed at the delay, but was quite grateful that I was still able to get out that night. Plus, there was a Caribou Coffee right near the gate and there was a baseball game on, so I really couldn't complain too much. Finally got home to my parents' house about midnight and after hanging out with Mom a little bit (and scarfing down some yummy leftovers), I crashed.

Yesterday was the haircut/color/eyebrow wax, which was nice. Always good to look well-groomed for an interview! And then after dinner with my family, I headed over a good friend from high school's house for a few hours to just sit and chat. We laughed again last night about the fact that we didn't really know each other in high school and yet have become good friends over the last few years. She's awesome and it's nice to be around people who share my politics and my outrage at the way things are in the world.

Today was spent doing A LOT of shopping with Mom, as my internship starts soon and since the dress code is business professional...yeah...needed a few new wardrobe items for that! And then I took a nap and then had coffee with Noelle, another friend from high school. After a dinner of junk food, I watched the video from the Theos Awards and it was funny to see some of the skits again. My parents rather enjoyed the bit where Tomaso described what I'd be like as a wine. And now I'm done packing for tomorrow and going to read a bit.

Tomorrow starts my summer of insanity, though: CPE in Omaha for ten weeks, plus Cabro in town for the first weekend I'm in Omaha, followed by traveling to Cleveland the following weekend for Cy's ordination, then family reunion the weekend after that, and then another trip up to the Cities in July for the Basilica Block Party (hey...the Counting Crows are playing again this year and we have a free place to stay!). Hopefully, somewhere in the midst of all of that, I'll nail down employment for the future. But it'll be good. Look for more from New Orleans tomorrow!

Betwixt and Between

2009-05-16T13:45:00.002-05:00

I had coffee this afternoon with a Jesuit friend of mine and, apart from being lovely as usual, I realized that part of the reason I enjoy his company is because he's not normal, either.

That's not to say that he isn't normal in most senses of the word, but more that we share an experience of and an understanding of the world and of God that isn't the norm, even at our school. He's someone else who finds himself in The Space, straddling two worlds. And that tension of living "betwixt and between" becomes even more pronounced in times of upheaval and change and transition.

Monday is graduation day for the first STM class and I know that I'm not the only one who is both desperately ready to get the hell out of here and sad to have so many goodbyes to say. I've been working on cards for days and some are easy, but some are SO hard to write. While I know some of these people I'll see again (after all, a group of us are headed to Cleveland for a friend's ordination next month!), there are others where it is doubtful that we'll see each other in the near future. One of the advantages of to going to a school that has folks from as many countries as the STM is that you get to know folks from all over the world...but the downside is that, at graduation, they all return home and Facebook and email become the only real forms of communication.

I leave on Wednesday to head home to MN, but what was going to be almost two weeks at home is being shortened as I have an interview in another city during it, so I'll be spending Memorial Day with my childhood best friend, Robbie, which is exciting. And then it's down to Omaha on 2 June. In the first three weeks in Omaha, I have a friend coming into town and will be spending weekends in Cleveland (staying with friends from undergrad, celebrating the ordination with the boys, and possibly taking a friend to get her tattoo) and back home in MN (for a family reunion, complete with grandparents and the California branch of the family, but minus one cousin and her family). Lots of travel, plus my internship, and I'll be helping a former professor start a major translation project. Should be a nice break from the craziness of school...er...wait...

More final things...

2009-05-14T23:38:00.002-05:00

Wednesday was great. It included softball, beer, and Latin food. What more does one need?

After helping Peter get his cap and gown for graduation (a process that is far more complicated than it needs to be, by the way!), I headed to campus to serve as the umpire for the softball game. Partway through the first inning, one of my classmates asked, "Do you have a clicker?" Yes, yes I did. After all, I earned money for several years as an umpire. And it's far easier to keep track of things with a clicker (especially when one is drinking beer!). The game ended in a tie (mostly because people needed food and more beer), but a good time was had by all involved.

There was a cookout afterwards, which I wasn't able to stay for (well, the entire time), but it was a great time to catch up with folks.

Then, with Heidi and Erika and the other Becky, it was off to Cambridge for dinner with the other young adults from the parish, as well as our priest and deacon. It was a lovely time, with fabulous conversations and good food and great fellowship. It's really sad to realize that I'm going to have to say goodbye to folks soon, as several final goodbyes occurred after the dinner.

Today was spent saying goodbye to a good friend from undergrad, and then trying to give my body a break. I've been running around rather insanely for the past week, so despite the fact that I had multiple things to do today, my body made it very clear that I was going to rest, whether I liked it or not. I did get some of my cards written, so that was helpful. And I finished my article for publication, so that's done, too. But it was nice to take a break to just be.

Tomorrow is the final prayer service and social of the year, plus we're all planning on going out after it. Could there be a Hong Kong run in our future? Maybe!

95 Theses: STM Style

2009-05-11T00:56:00.003-05:00

1. You laughed at the theologically nerdy fact that there are 95 Theses. And you’re laughing because I’m dressed like Martin Luther. What? It was only appropriate!

2. When you explain to someone that you are studying ministry or theology, be prepared for one of the following reactions: confusion, pity, and the question, “Are you going to be a nun/priest?”

3. Spending $400 a semester for books is normal. Just think of the library it eventually leads to!

4. So is spending $400 a month for coffee and beer. While you won’t have a library to show for this, it will help maintain what semblance of sanity you entered the school with.

5. Three associate deans, two departments, one school: it’s all about the Trinity!

6. Possessing a student mailbox that is located below the level of one’s kneecap is not cause for latae sententiae excommunication, but if the mailbox is as low as your ankle, what chance do you have anyway for redemption?

7. The weekly STM newsletter is the best place to put your announcement if you want it widely ignored.

8. The best attended events promise free food, free alcohol, and lots of guilt if one chooses not to show up.

13. Just because a professor says that any topic is acceptable for a presentation does not mean that ANY topic is acceptable.

15. Student question and answer sessions with the dean are NOT an excuse for faculty to publicly ask questions.

16. Stalking your professors in the building is okay. Stalking them in Harvard Square or Cleveland Circle is just creepy.

17. Though harmless academic crushes on faculty are normal, they’re best kept to oneself. However, bars are appropriate places for their discussion.

18. Waving at your advisor from across the chapel is not the same thing as an advising session.

19. While faculty impressions are funny, they’re not recommended to be performed while on campus.

20. STM Socials do NOT count as academic counseling sessions.

21. Your favorite professor being on sabbatical or leave is a perfectly reasonable excuse for whining.

22. The answer to the question, “Was this a bedroom?” you asked yourself when entering a professor’s office for the first time this year is yes.

23. Somehow, certain professors will ALWAYS be at the front of the line at repast. They may or may not be able to teleport. Scientific inquiries are still underway.

27. Finding books in the TML is like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book. Pick the wrong collection, and your journey ends in frustration. Pick the right collection and you may find the Holy Grail (rumor has it that it's not part of the circulating collection).

28. Pushing over the shelves is NOT an appropriate adult response to failing to find the book you are looking for. Understandable, but inappropriate.

29. You are not allowed to make voodoo dolls of all the doctoral students just so you can get first crack at one of the carrels.

30. The book you found at one spot in the library a month ago, or a week ago, is likely to be in another spot when you look for it today.

31. The TML is one of few places on earth where the phrase "BQ through BZ" is heard on a regular basis.

32. Sleeping with your copy of the Catechism is NOT normal behavior. This also applies to Rahner’s Investigations and the Summa.

33. Who knew that part of our theological education at the STM would include learning that the Lynn-Peterson cataloging system exists?

34. When you see a fellow student lost in the stacks, it’s not polite to simply watch how long it takes him or her to find the book.

37. Frozen yogurt takes the sting of finals away. And it’s good for you (or, at least, you’re able to justify it to yourself!).

38. Poking the food at repast will not change it.

39. Just because you call something bread does not mean it actually is bread.

40. If you’re in desperate need of caffeine, chances are the machine will be out of soda.

41. Repast is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you’re gonna get and someone always beats to you the best parts.

42. Being greedy at the candy bowl isn’t a sin if no one else is in the kitchen

43. Bagels are not doughnuts and should not be advertised as such.

44. Dunkin Donuts and the candy bowl do not constitute a meal plan

45. Liking the communion wine is NOT a good enough reason to be an EME.

46. Now that it’s summer, the coffee and cocoa machine is finally working. Further proof that there is a time and a purpose to everything under heaven (at least in
theory).

47. If you are looking for the vegetarian option at repast, you will inevitably end up at the table with the non-vegetarian option, and vice versa.

48. Making up your own lyrics to the hymns at Mass is totally okay, provided you don’t accidentally sing them too loudly.

49. That being said, sit next to Brian Taberski at your own risk, as he WILL sing his alternate lyrics and make you laugh.

50. Though it may seem like it, Mass is not the place to begin planning your papal coat of arms or your papal motto. That’s far more appropriate when you’re bored in class.

51. If you’ve asked yourself, “How many people in this community actually speak this language?” while singing at Mass…you’re not alone.

52. Sitting near the altar so you can sneak out through the sacristy after Mass is not as uncommon as one might think. Just try not to trample the priest, deacons, acolytes, and EME’s on your way out.

55. If you sit in class and try to figure out people’s Myers-Briggs Type, their Enneagram number or into which Hogwarts house they’d be sorted…you’re not alone.

56. Taking the summer Latin class will give you the ability to say things like “in signis groovytas” and laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Canon law also helps in this ability.

59. HoFo is a class, not something to call your classmates.

62. Canon law is not to be taken in order to find ways to excommunicate your friends and classmates (unless, of course, it’s done in jest).

67. Sex with Ed will never have a field work requirement, so stop asking!

69. Your sleep cycle will dictate which teachers you have: if you’re an early bird, you’ll probably do best in scripture with Dan Harrington and Tom Stegman. However, if you’re a night owl, moral theology offers you some GREAT late-night options with Ed Vacek.

70. Writing lament psalms while procrastinating your ACTUAL Psalms final is normal. Just be sure to use Dan Harrington’s formula: address God, name the problem, etc.

71. No, you may not phone a friend during your oral exam.

72. The BC Shuttle’s promptness is inversely correlated to the amount of time you have to get to class. On days you’re early, it will arrive immediately. But if you’re running late, you’re guaranteed a fifteen-minute wait.

73. Yes, it is possible to walk uphill both ways to school. It just means you live in Cleveland Circle.

74. When walking up the hill to the library, remember that the Lord’s climb to Calvary actually ended in death. This should put the “Hill of Death” in perspective.

75. The STM Shuttle is exactly like the Knight Bus in Harry Potter, except it doesn’t get you where you want to go or pick you up where you are.

76. Walking to class on the main campus always seems to take longer than it should.

77. If you have a car and are driving up the hill, pointing and laughing at the students who look like they’re about to pass out from the strain of walking it is NOT okay.

78. You are not the only student who has paused your iPod to listen to ridiculous undergraduate conversations on the BC Shuttle.

80. For every time you heard “It’ll be better next year,” you get a year off of purgatory.

82. All questions must actually be questions, not merely statements with an inflection at the end.

86. You are not allowed to smack anyone, even if every one of their statements starts with, “Well, when we were at Weston…”

87. If you see a group of Jesuits huddled and talking, chances are they’re trying to figure out how to get back to Cambridge.

88. Subsequently, Jesuits now have something in common with soccer moms: they drive minivans.

92. Remember: what was a neurosis when you arrived will be a full-blown psychosis by the time you leave.

93. If you’re looking for your sanity, chances are your classmates are not the people to ask to assist you in finding it. But it’s probably behind the couch.

94. You realize that you’re one of maybe 200 people on Earth who understands this list and finds it even remotely funny.

95. A theologian’s list of 95 theses really only adds up to 67. Or is it 66? No one ever said we could count! There’s a reason we’re all in theology: 3 equals 1!

2009 STM Theos Awards

2009-05-11T00:53:00.001-05:00

Saturday night was the First Annual STM Theos Awards. This is the second year I've been the director for the show, the third year I've been involved. This year, much of the focus of the show was on the merger and its impact on us all. The opening number this year, which was a West Side Story-esque "rumble" between the returning IREPM and WJST students. It ended with a classmate singing "Somewhere" with new words and with the new students being confused and running away.

After the opening, we laughed at the ridiculous number of acronyms at the school, learned how one would describe wines if they were people at the school, gained a great deal of knowledge about Karl Rahner, found out how Post-Traumatic Merger Disorder is treated, and laughed at the 95 Theses (a collection of quick quips about life at the STM...I'll post them all in a separate post). And, as they have the last three years, we had fabulous music provided by our very own Luscious Mandibles.

Apart from the fact that putting the show together can be a bit stressful (you'd be AMAZED how much work happens in the last 48 hours!), it was clear from the reaction of everyone who was there that it was well worth it. We had a crowd of over 50 people and there was laughter from start to finish, which is really all one can ask for. The video below is from three of my classmates and was the grand finale of the show. They have officially set a new standard for Theos submissions and it's going to be interesting to see what people come up with next year (when I don't have to be in charge!).

The Beginning of the End

2009-04-29T23:17:00.002-05:00

We're officially in the "Last Things." And as much as I am beyond ready to get out of this place, I find myself fighting back tears because it is a bittersweet thing.

Tuesday marked our final community Mass and Repast. It included a blessing and sending forth of all of those graduating, as well as a homily by Melissa Kelley, one of our professors. For the first time all year, someone publicly acknowledged that we were a grieving and hurting community. To hear someone speak of our grief, our collective grief, was incredibly healing. I choked up a bit realizing that it was the last Mass where Andrew and I would sit side-by-side, making snarky comments to each other. But it helped that Repast was a totally snark-fest, which is really what they've been all year. And there's some comfort that we ended as we started.

Last night (Wednesday) was far more emotional. Our MDiv cohort gathered one last night as a group for Mass and dinner. During that Mass, it was easy to imagine that we were actually back in the Holy Spirit Chapel at Weston. It was Mass as it should be done and from Zac's beautiful and fitting homily to the Sign of Peace that lasted long enough for all of us to greet each other to the sense of community during the Eucharistic meal... really for one of the first times all year, I remembered why I came here in the first place. Of course, I cried through most of Mass, but it was fitting, feeling all sorts of emotions of homesickness and grief and frustration surge to the surface.

And then my Closure group surprised me again. We had a rough go of it this semester, but in the end, we pulled off a great presentation, one that we could be proud of. Anyway, the other four members of the group who were there tonight pulled me aside after the Mass. I wasn't sure what was going on, but they gave me a card and thanked me for all of the work I put into making our group function and our presentation work. My closest friends are probably the only people who truly understand how much something like that means to me and I'm getting choked up again just writing about it (okay, so I was full-on crying then and am again now). Truthfully, it was an unexpected gesture and something that means a great deal to me.

Dinner tonight was one of the funniest (and most fun) things I have done this year. With the help of a little wine and a lot of bourbon, we gathered around a big table and shared more laughter than I've heard at this school all year. Having a group of people who have shared so many experiences together, and who all have a rather irreverent sense of humor, led to a night of laughing at the crazy things that have happened over the course of our three years together (and maybe more than a few impressions of faculty members). It's weird to think that we will all be scattered to the winds in such a short time and it's hard to prepare to say goodbye to people who, each in their own way, have shaped the last three years of my life.

There was a moment, during dinner, when we were all laughing loud enough to wake the dead and scare anyone else in the building, where lyrics from one of my favorite song came into my mind. Only Annie will really appreciate this, but it was a moment where I could truly say, "And I know someday this all will be over, and it’s hard to say what most will I miss. Just give one way to spend my last moments alive and I choose this, I choose this, I choose this."

Convocation and Closure

2009-04-22T23:55:00.003-05:00

Wednesday marked one of the final hoops between me (and my cohort) and our degrees: the dreaded MDiv Convocation, the night we presented our case studies to an audience. It was rather rewarding to see an entire semester's worth of work, sweat, tears (and frustration) culminate in a well-done and well-received presentation. Apart from our celebratory cohort dinner this coming Wednesday, and a short reflection paper, we're basically done. Convocation marks that moment when graduation becomes a VERY real event in the VERY near future. (Unless you're me and you still have to complete your practicum!)

Wednesday also marked the arrival of my dear friend Sarah from Amman. Despite the fact that we talk daily (sometimes two or three times), having her here is a VERY happy thing. As soon as Convocation was done, I scampered off and joined Sarah and others for a bit of cake to celebrate her birthday.

This weekend, my goal is to get lots done so I have some free time next week to play once Sarah's back in town (she's in MN and ND for the weekend). This means writing the reflection paper for Closure, a paper that requires me to look back over the MDiv and talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's proving to be both tiring and cathartic.

But, as I know everyone is stressed with finals and stuff, I offer my new musical obsession for your perusal. Her name is Allie Moss and she's brilliant. This first song is called "Let It Go."

This second song is called "Corner" and both are available on her LP Passerby (which you can find on iTunes and I would HIGHLY recommend).

Thank God for music!

2009-04-21T00:21:00.003-05:00

Today, I received news that caused me to feel like the last little bit of hope I had left had finally been crushed. No, I don't want to talk about, so please don't ask. Give me a bit of time and I know I'll be blogging about it. But for now, I'm not ready to go there. So please...don't ask.

I'll never be someone who is able to express myself easily in an artistic manner, which is probably why music is such an important thing to me. I have a phonographic memory (it's not fool-proof, but nearly) and since I remember what I hear, there is constantly a soundtrack running in my head. Sometimes, it's the song that got tied to someone at a particular time, other times, it's just whatever song my brain thinks fits the moment.

But sometimes (okay, often), music is what heals the soul (or at least helps a little bit). A friend, who has impeccable taste in music, pointed me in the direction of Allie Moss' EP Passerby today. It's beautiful and some of the songs...just fit a lot of what's going on. Which then led me to spend an hour this evening with David Ford's random covers on YouTube. While looking at his albums on iTunes, I discovered what may be my song of the night. So, without further adieu, please enjoy David Ford's "Cheer Up (You Miserable *$&@)"...

For the Love of the Game

2009-04-18T14:21:00.002-05:00

Pretty much anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact that I am likely to burst into tears at any moment. It doesn't take much to make me cry. I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm angry (which is the most frustrating), when I'm scared, etc, etc, etc. I've come to realize over the years that it is simply my body's response to...everything. So it's far more surprising when I don't cry at something.

But to this day, I do not understand why it is that baseball, of all things, chokes me up so often. Seeing EVERY player and coach and manager in MLB wearing the number 42, remembering that day 52 years ago when Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier. Any footage from the gathering of all-stars from last year's All-Star Game (that many legends of the game on the most legendary field of the game? Not something I'll soon forget!). And, of course, Jason Kubel hitting for the cycle, ending with a grand slam that won the game for the Twins. ;)

There is something about baseball, though. There's really only one team I can't stand watching (but I can always cheer for whomever is is playing them!). Baseball is the sport I can leave on my TV for hours and hours and hours at a time. Maybe it's in my blood (my grandfather was a ballplayer who never got a real shot at the majors, thanks to WWII). Either way, the Yanks are about to take on the Indians, so I'll leave you so I can pay attention to the game.

Who says you can't go home again?

2009-04-17T13:57:00.002-05:00

I am a firm believe in self-care. As someone for whom self-care does not come easily (er...sometimes at all), I'm starting to realize how important it is. And so last Thursday morning at 5am, I boarded the first D line train headed inbound and after a few hours on various forms of transportation, was home in MN. My brother was also home for the weekend and it was lovely.

Two of my roomies from my volunteer year happened to be around, so over lunch at the Louisiana we caught up a bit. Sunday night, I enjoyed the new Doctor Who Easter special (for a second time, as I had to watch it as soon as it downloaded!) with two high school friends. Old friends are good for the soul, and it was lovely to have time to laugh with them.

One of the highlights of the trip was spending several hours sitting around with my (very pregnant) cousin, watching Dancing with the Stars and Sex and the City, knitting, and chatting. It was just...relaxed. And I needed that.

Sometimes, buying a plane ticket and boarding a plane six hours later is the only remedy for what ails ya!

Sometimes you can't make it on your own...

2009-04-09T03:10:00.003-05:00

I spent the night with three dear friends, enjoying more than a few adult bevarages and each other's company. But after a 45-minute T ride home, and talking to one of them, I just lost it and started bawling. The last month of school (I'm literally done a month from yesterday) is not a good time to for an emotional breakdown. But I had one.

And that was when I decided that my sanity was worth cashing in almost all of my frequent flier miles on American in order to go home for Easter. While I was excited for Holy Week at the parish here, being home in MN with my family and friends (and getting to go to St. C's) will do my heart and soul a world of good and hopefully make the last month a little bit easier to get through.

In less than an hour, I will headed to the T station in order to catch the T and head to the airport in order to go home. Thank goodness I can sleep on the plane, as I have yet to go to bed. YAY MN!

Frustration

2009-04-07T15:09:00.002-05:00

I tend to avoid writing about really controversial topics, in part because I hope to teach someday, and in part because I really don't like arguing with people. But I had an experience today that really offended me.

A few hours ago, the Vermont legislature over-rode the governor's veto, making Vermont the fourth state to recognize gay marriage (joining MA, CT, and IA) and the first to do it by direct legislative action. As someone who is committed to equal rights for all people, I was thrilled to hear the news (and to hear that Maine and New Jersey will be entertaining similar bills soon). When I changed my Facebook status to read "Becky is thrilled that Vermont has now joined MA, CT, and IA in recognizing love and marriage equality. Way to go, Vermont legislature!", I received many comments from friends who were equally excited about this step in the right direction. One friend, who disagrees with gay marriage, commented that he was glad that it came from the people and not judges. Which is totally fine. Respectful disagreement is never a problem.

But an acquaintance from many years ago felt the need to call into question not my beliefs or my own opinions, but the theological education I (and my classmates) have received. His words were something to the effect of "What are those Jesuits teaching you? Another generation of theologians corrupted."

Okay. Seriously?

I am a product of a Jesuit education, yes, but anyone who has been educated by the Jesuits at the graduate level will tell you that there's not a whole lot of spoon-feeding of ideologies and beliefs. You're expected, as a grown up, to think for yourself. That means that, at a place like where I go to school, you will meet people who fall on all ends of the spectrum: politically, socially, theologically. And for the most part, despite the fact that we don't all agree, we're able to converse with each other and learn from each other. To insinuate that the Jesuits are teaching us all to be a bunch of heretics is ridiculous. And I genuinely find it offensive. A friend once said that, if he becomes a "progressive" Catholic, it will have far more to do with the actions of "conservative" Catholics than the fact that he studied at a fairly liberal school.

And this is the thing: if someone who actually attended the school were to make a similar comment, despite the fact that I don't agree with it, at least that person would have ground from which to speak. But the fact that one person (or more) may hold an opinion someone finds offensive or on conflict with Church teaching is NOT a valid reason to attack their education institution and, by reach, the entire student body. My MDiv class happens to be made up of people who are all over the map and also happens to be an amazing cohort of people who are going to make a positive difference in the world and the Church after their graduation. They should not be judged because of a comment I make. Nor should my professors or the others at my school be judged according to me.

And, for the record and lest there be any question, I am DAMN proud of my Jesuit education and everything I have learned from about eight years of study both with and under the instruction of Jesuits. And I will defend that education to my last breath, because real education happens when you're willing to engage the world, not run from it. And if there is anything I have learned from my education it is that being afraid, and being defensive, when confronted with the other or with differing beliefs is a quick way to cut one's self off from God's continual self-communication.

Inclusive Language

2009-04-04T19:38:00.001-05:00

So, while I clearly have strong opinions on things, especially about things within the Church, I try not to get too vehement here. Because I really and truly believe that dialogue and discussion is important and I do enjoy discussing things. But I don't have patience for being yelled at or disregarded. I genuinely don't understand people on all sides of issues who intentionally read blogs they know they will disagree with just for the sake of screaming at the author, calling names, etc. And I realize that what I'm about to say may provoke strong reactions, and I'm willing to converse with people, but I screen the comments on here and if there's any name calling or ad hominem attacks or screaming, I won't publish them.

A classmate and a friend today wrote an incredibly insightful blog entry about his experience preaching today and finding that the prayers (they use a book of pre-scripted prayers) did not gel with the readings of the day or his homily. I'd highly recommend that you read what he has to say.

Anyway, reading his great post made me want to talk a bit about the same concept. In light of the recent news that Ruth Kolpack was fired from her position as a pastoral associate because of her Master's thesis (which, by the way, was at a diocesan seminary) that called for the use of inclusive language, I think it's all the more important to talk about gender justice and inclusive language. I'm not talking about calling God our "mother" or "she" (though I think that, if you're going to gender God, it's perfectly acceptable to gender God in either direction, as God is neither male nor female and yet both). What I'm talking about is using language, especially in the liturgy, that excludes people.

While in El Salvador last year, we met with many different people somehow involved with or doing theology in El Salvador: a Lutheran bishop, Baptist pastors and theology students, base communities of a variety of stripes, a Catholic feminist theologian, students and faculty at the Lutheran University, and, of course, world-renowned liberation theologian Jon Sobrino. In all of our experiences there, we only encountered exclusive language once. On the Sunday we were in country, we spent our morning at the Shekinah Baptist Church in Santa Ana. The pastor at Shekinah, Ruth, spent the vast majority of her hour-plus long sermon (note to self: simultaneous translation is EXHAUSTING after about...10 minutes) talking about how Jesus was a feminist. Now, while I don't agree with everything she said on a theological level, there was no question that the congregation was going to be totally addressed: Bienvenidos y bienvenidas...hermanas y heramanos. That evening, we went to Mass at Chapel of Divine Providence at the Divina Providencia Cancer Hospital, the chapel in which Monsenor Romero was assassinated. And for the first (and what would turn out to be the only) time on our trip, we were greeted with only male language: Bienvenidos queridos hermanos. It was just assumed that the women in the congregation knew they were included in the male endings on all of the words. And while I get that linguistically it is appropriate to use the male ending if there is even one male in the room, that doesn't make it pastorally sensitive or appropriate.

There was an irony in the only place where I felt excluded on the basis of my gender was at a Catholic Mass. The homily made the sense of alienation even worse. As I sat there and listened to the priest, exhorting his "hermanos", I got more and more upset. Because more than half of the global population is women. We should feel bad about wanting to be included in the language used when we go to worship in our communities.

My first year of graduate school, I took a class entitled Social Justice and the Bible. The class was taught by two professors, an Old Testament scholar and a social ethicist, both of whom are very well respected in their fields. On the day we discussed gender justice, at the break I went up to speak with the scripture scholar. He had talked about issues of translation and how some of the issues we have in English don't exist in other languages. I shared with him that language is a huge issue, especially in Spanish, where because the entire language is gendered, the same word has to be repeated twice, with each ending, in order to be inclusive. After I shared that with him, he looked at me and said, "Well, I stand corrected." It was a pretty proud moment.

Until later in the class, when the other professor said, "Becky, you're a woman. What's the woman's perspective on this?" My response was something along the lines of "Well, I'm not comfortable speaking for the other women in this room, let alone my entire gender, so..." One step forward, two steps back. Though, I have to say, I was much appreciative when the first person asked, a Jesuit, said, "Ask the women!"

I doubt any of my male classmates have ever had the experience of being the only person of their gender and/or their sex in a room. In my feminist theologies class, there were four men. All year, I have been the only woman in Theological Synthesis. I had a fantastic small group (and am grateful for all of the learning and growing we were able to do with each other over the course of the year), but during the second semester, I was all too aware of the fact that I was the only woman. It was not a pleasant feeling. And it was hard to feel that I was judged if I spoke, judged if I didn't speak. Not really a great place to be.

One day, a classmate proposed the use of "apostle" to refer to those who do ministry. I then had to explain to him that, for a lot of women, "apostle" is an exclusive term, as the 12 official apostles are all men (nevermind that Mary Magdalene was called the "apostle to the Apostles"...but she clearly doesn't actually count). If I hadn't been there that day, and hadn't called the language into question, it's possible that no one would have said anything and, in the future, people may have felt excluded at its use.

One of the comments I made to my friend about his blog entry gets at the heart of this whole matter. He is aware of the language issues and the exclusion because he has studied with women, he has good female friends. Far too few priests (both diocesan and religious) can say the same. The practice of many dioceses is to keep their seminarians almost sequestered, keeping them away from any possible temptations. The problem with that is that these men then arrive in parishes and other ministries and have no idea how to relate to women as anything other than sexual objects (what we call the "How you doin'?" school of interaction) or as temptations to be avoided at all costs (the "I can't make eye contact with you because you're a girl and girl's are bad" school of interaction). By encouraging men in formation to learn how to build healthy friendships with women, we're also helping to ensure that priests understand how their language can, whether intentionally or not, exclude people.

Relationships are how we learn so much in our lives and friendships are some of the most important kinds of relationships. And encouraging men in formation to build healthy friendships with women not only makes good pastoral sense, it makes good practical sense, too. You may see fewer straight men leave if they're able to have some of their affective needs met through healthy friendships with women.

Lent

2009-04-02T14:10:00.002-05:00

Lent is rapidly drawing to a close and I feel almost as if I've jumped the gun a little bit. I'm in that Holy Saturday kind of mood, feeling distant from God and the people around me. In non-spiritual terms, I'm wallowing a little bit in self-pity. Which is ridiculous, I know, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm just...kind of unhappy. And I know that the fact that I can name the fact that I'm miserable or crabby or upset or whatever is a good sign that I'll snap out of it soon enough.

I made a few Lenten resolutions this year and some have gone better than others. I gave up shopping at Lush and other than two quick trips (both on Sundays, thank you very much, and one was for a friend), I've stuck to that. I gave up drinking, but realized about half-way through Lent that it was actually making things tougher (and not in a good, spiritually-cleansing sort of way). For those who are graduate students, you'll understand when I say that, occasionally, you really do need a beer. Plus, hanging out with your drunken classmates is really only tolerable when you're in the same state.

One of the disciplines/resolutions/call it what you will I've stuck to is a weekly prayer session with U2. Yeah, I'm that much of a fan, but I realized recently that their latest album, No Line on the Horizon, is actually an incredible Lenten prayer. And so I've been spending some quality time with the album as a whole weekly. If you have the album, I'd really recommend just sitting and praying with it.

I've also started journaling again. I've realized that this usually happens in earnest when I'm facing a major life transition and leaving grad school and going back to the real world is definitely going to be one of those transitions. I'm about 99% glad to be leaving, but there are those little things in that 1% that will be hard to leave.

Yesterday was our (thank the Lord!) last Synthesis class of the semester. Last semester, I loved the class, but this semester, it has been absolute torture. But as glad as I am to say goodbye to the class, it was hard to say goodbye to my small group. Despite the fact that we are about as disparate theologically a group as you can get, we've really had a great year together and I will miss those guys. The four of them have taught me a lot over the course of this year, especially about the importance of dialogue and really listening to others, and it makes me sad to leave them behind.

I've had many a conversation with my old spiritual director about the fact that I am much more of a Good Friday/Holy Saturday person than I am an Easter person. I don't like movies with happy endings as much as I do movies (or TV shows...Doctor Who, I'm looking your direction) that have ambivalent or sad endings. Maybe that's why I love Lent...not because it's an excuse to wallow in despair (something I need to stop doing), but because it lets us deal with the shit of human emotion, the dark stuff, the stuff we'd rather not deal with. Lent is cathartic. I just hope I snap out of things in order to be able to really celebrate a week from Sunday.

And that I survive the mime on Sunday morning without tripping, falling, or otherwise embarrassing myself in front of the entire congregation (both the English- and Spanish-speaking halves).

The Sorting Hat Goes to Seminary

2009-03-26T23:15:00.003-05:00

AN: It's been a long week and, after doing a presentation on missioners and trauma, I need to think about something quasi-silly. Thus...the following...

I'm an unapologetic Harry Potter nerd. It comes in second only to Doctor Who in terms of my nerdy obsessions. And so, in addition to trying to figure out people's Myers-Briggs types and their Enneagram numbers, I sort them. Yes, I like to exercise my Sorting Hat-esque powers and figure out which Hogwarts house fits each of my classmates.

As you would probably expect at a seminary/theology school, there are a LOT of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. It is grad school, after all, so people who are primarily motivated to learn would likely make up a large part of the student body. And, since we're in ministry, people who are all about other people and hard work make sense, too.

The really interesting thing is that there are TONS of Slytherins. Not what you'd expect. But even more surprising than that is the lack of Gryffindors. There are quite a few folks who are Gryffin-hybrids (meaning that they have a REALLY strong secondary house), but in my class, there is only one other true Gryffindor (meaning this person does NOT have a strong secondary house).

As a *ahem* rather strong Gryff, I have to say, not having a lot of Gryffindors around kind of makes me sad. Sometimes, I want to get a little bit CAPSLOCKy or let my true Gryffindor nature out (impulsive decision-making, what?), but...not having a lot of Gryffs around removes that safety net. When in the Tower, Gryffindors can be insane and it's acceptable. In the real world, well, I just try to keep my roar undercover.

How about you, readers? What house do you belong in?

Monsenor Romero, pray for us

2009-03-24T17:12:00.003-05:00

Saint Romero of America, Our Pastor and Martyr

On the eve, the Angel of the Lord announced...

The heart of El Salvador marked by
the 24th of March and agony,
You offered Bread,
The Living Body
—the broken body of your People;
its victorious Blood poured out—
The peasant blood of your massacred People,
which the exorcising dawn must tint into wines of joy!

On the eve, the Angel of the Lord announced …
And the Word became death once more, in your death;
Just as death becomes incarnate, every day, in the naked flesh of your People.

And you filled up our old Church
with new Life!

We are once again standing up in witness
Saint Romero of America, our pastor and martyr!
Romero of peace, putting down roots in this land of war,
Romero bursting forth in the purple rosemary of the unscathed hope of the entire Continent.
Romero of the Latin American Easter.
Poor yet glorious pastor, assassinated for a price, for dollars, a few pieces of foreign currency.

Like Jesus, by order of the Empire.
Poor yet glorious pastor,
abandoned
by your own brothers with their staffs and Table…!
(The curias couldn’t hear you;
No well-established congregation can hear Christ.)

Your poor multitude accompanied you,
in desperate fidelity,
feeding and being fed by your prophetic mission.
The People made you a Saint.
The hour of your People consecrated you at the kairos.
The poor taught you to read the Good News.

As a brother wounded by so much Sister Death,
You knew how to weep, alone, in the Garden.
You knew how to be afraid, like a man in combat.
Yet you knew how to freely make your word a call to attention!

And you knew how to drink from the double chalice of the Altar and the People,
with one single hand consecrated to service.
Latin America has already placed you in its Bernini glory
in the halo-spray of its seas,
in the ancient altarpiece of the Andes, standing at attention,
in the breezy canopy of all its wooded groves,
in the song of all its paths,
in the new Calvary of all its prisons
of all its trenches,
of all its altars…
in the secure tabernacle of the vigilant heart of its children!

Saint Romero of America, our pastor and martyr:
No one will silence your final homily!

Pedro Casaldáliga

Translation by Richard Renshaw and Katharine Gordon

A very Salvadoran day

2009-03-23T14:42:00.002-05:00

Today was the STM's prayer service in memory of Archbishop Romero. It was very well attended (about 30 people, as opposed to the normal 5 for a Monday prayer service) and went smoothly. It was a powerful thing, including a ritual with water. I'm very proud to have been part of the planning of the service. The highlight for me was having my dear friend and brother Dave perform his song "The Kingdom" during the ritual. Though Jake and I both had a hard time not singing along.

After the service, we gathered downstairs for pupusas. I haven't had a pupusa since I was in Salvador and these were SO good. My tummy was very happy and I realized that my entire body relaxed being in an environment that reminded me of Salvador. It was a good time to get to chat with people and to introduce Dan (a friend from undergrad, the reason I ended up in Salvador the first time) to folks around here, as he may end up here for his PhD in the fall. Did I mention the yummy pupusas?

And then, after a quick run to the grocery store (my Diet Pepsi supply was completely depleted!), I read an interview that Mauricio Funes gave recently. The full article is here, and is well worth reading, but I wanted to share just the excerpt, as it directly relates to what today and tomorrow (the actual anniversary) is all about:

We're going to change the way we make policy. And one of the most significant changes is that we will no longer have a government at the service of a privileged few. And we will no longer have a government that creates an economy of privileges for the privileged. Now, we need a government like the one envisioned by Mons. Oscar Arnulfo Romero, who in his prophetic message said that the church should have a preferential option for the poor.

Paraphrasing Mons. Romero, I would say that this government should have a preferential option for the poor, for those who need a robust government to get ahead and to be able to compete in this world of disequilibrium under fair conditions.

This government implies a break from traditional policymaking. Now, what we're going to do is put the government and the structure of the state at the service of the Salvadoran people––the totality of the Salvadoran people – but, fundamentally, to that great majority who are oppressed and excluded from the country's social and economic development. Not just the last 20 years, but for the last 200 years or more, have not had the possibility of participating in the formation of public policies.

Facing my fears

2009-03-18T23:34:00.004-05:00

Those that know me, even remotely well, know that I absolutely hate public speaking. It terrifies me. Yes, ironic for someone who was a speech coach (those who can't do, coach?) and has been involved in theatre for most of her life (there's a reason I prefer directing...and playing a character is NOT the same thing as getting up there myself). But, the reality is, I hate public speaking. I think part of it is that I really don't like being the center of attention, but I also tend to either ramble or clam up when I get nervous, neither of which are, you know, helpful things when it comes to public speaking.

On Monday, I not only have to face my fear of public speaking, but I have to face another fear: presiding. Now, as a lay person in the Catholic Church, it's not as if I have a lot of opportunities to confront this particular fear. But on Monday, along with the STM's other Becky (yes, two Beckys), I will be one of the presiders at the prayer service in memory of Oscar Romero. And I can't think of any reason I would rather face my fear.

It's hard to believe that Tuesday will mark 29 years since Monseñor Romero was assassinated while saying Mass at the chapel at the Divina Providencia Cancer Hospital. That's the altar he was standing at when he was shot through the heart. He died almost immediately.

It's been a rather Salvador-centric couple of weeks. First, there was realizing that Spring Break marked a full-year since we had been in Salvador, which was quickly followed by the 32nd anniversary of the martyrdom of Fr. Rutilio Grande. Then, last weekend was the elections. And I am so grateful that there were others around here who were as excited about the outcome as I was! There might have been some jumping up and down and some squeeing. And now, we're approaching 29 years for Romero.

And it wouldn't be fair to Bolivia if I failed to mention that Monday marks the 29th anniversary of the assassination of Fr. Luis Espinal, SJ, in Bolivia. As he was assassinated the day before Romero, his story is not widely known. But he was an incredible poet and deserves a mention, too.

Discernment

2009-03-16T22:32:00.002-05:00

A friend once said, "Discernment is Latin for impossible." And I'm starting to think he's pretty right on with that one.

I received news today that, frankly, feels a bit like God is shoving me in a particular direction. Now, don't get me wrong...I'm hard-headed and stubborn and need a good shove as a general rule. I generally appreciate the "frying pan to the head" method of communication. I don't do well with subtle hints.

But, the problem is, I don't have all of the details I need to really make a decision. I need to hear from everyone, including on the issue of financial aid, so I'm stuck in a holding pattern.

I HATE holding patterns.

The Salvadoran Elections

2009-03-14T22:52:00.002-05:00

I preface this with a couple of points. One, I am not a Salvadoran, so I am an outsider looking in. Two, I am not writing this to start a debate. I don't want to get into an argument over parties or personalities and I REFUSE to get dragged into a series of ad hominem attacks.

Tomorrow, really for the first time since the end of the war, the FMLN may win the presidency. As a student of Salvadoran history, and someone who has spent time in the country, I know what this possibility means to a lot of Salvadorans. While we were in the country last year, the election was already a major topic of conversation. One of the other members of the group, who happened to be the person with whom I shared a host family, made a point of asking people, all over the country, how they thought an FMLN victory would change their lives. Their responses were interesting, some extremely hopeful for major changes but most cautiously optimistic that things might get better.

The thing that REALLY bothers me is that several members of Congress here in the United States felt the need to enter into the public record a series of comments regarding the Salvadoran elections. Really, these comments were FMLN-bashing, pro-ARENA scare tactics. If you read over the text of the statements, especially those of Rep. Rohrabacher from CA, anyone who has spent much time learning about the history of El Salvador (including, you know, talking to people on the street and NOT just reading certain ideologically biased news sources) will immediately see the half-truths and flat out lies contained therein. The reality of El Salvador is far more simple and far more complicated than the statements made would lead one to believe. While neither side is innocent, I'd be lying if I said that ARENA and the Salvadoran governments under D'Aubisson and Cristiani and others aren't more culpable.

But my biggest issue is this: while I am fully aware that the separation of powers in the United States government allows for a member of Congress to make statements about intended policy without them being binding (or them even being policy), the reality is that it is still undue interference in a foreign election. Whether you love Funes or Avila, we in the US don't get a say. And the fact that very few Salvadorans would be knowledgable enough when it comes to the US Constitution so as to understand that the "government official" or Congressman they're hearing about has no real authority to dictate anything is a PROBLEM. Five years after Tom Tancredo hinted that remittances would stop, this fallacy again means that people will vote out of fear.

This whole debate as engendered quite a lot of anger on both sides. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see the need to scream at each other. We don't need to call each other names or point the blame. And while I definitely have an opinion as to how I would like to see this election turn out, wha tI really want is for the Salvadoran people to be able to freely and fairly elect whomever it is that they want: without undue influence from the US.

Maybe living in Bolivia made me really sensitive to this issue, but it's true. So for now, I offer my hopes and thoughts and prayers for the Salvadoran people as they head to the polls (and will refrain from commenting here how I feel about the results until we ACTUALLY get them).

A (Latin America) State of Mind

2009-03-12T00:08:00.003-05:00

Sunday is election day in El Salvador, so that might explain why my heart and mind are a bit...preoccupied. But I think it's also the combined reality of Salvador being just a year ago and the general fact that I'm not IN Latin America. Whatever the reasons, my head and heart a very much in a Latin America (in reality, Salvador) modus operandi (despite cramming several semesters worth of Latin into five weeks this summer, I'm still not sure that both of those are declined properly...). Combine that with the amount of U2 I've been listening to lately, and it's no wonder that the lyrics of "Bullet the Blue Sky" have been rattling around in my brain.

I was discussing the importance of U2 in my prayer life the other day with a friend, someone who is as big of a fan as I am. There are so many songs that are really prayers, but some are just the gutteral cry that SOMETHING is NOT RIGHT. "Bullet the Blue Sky" was Bono's response to visiting El Salvador during the war. I don't know all the details, but evidently he and his wife encountered some violence near the Honduran border (I'm assuming they were either in Chalate or Morazon province at the time), including shots fired. The locust wind? The sound of helicopters flying over the towns. The Joshua Tree cut of "Bullet" has some narration over the bridge, but it's the incredible Rattle and Hum version which really clues you into what the song is about. And "I feel a long way from the hills of San Salvador, where the rain pours in through a gaping wound, pounding the women and childen into the arms of America."

Needless to say, my thoughts and prayers are with the Salvadoran people as they cast their ballots on Sunday. Here's to a genuinely free and fair election!

I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight

2009-03-09T23:11:00.003-05:00

Tonight marks my last night at home for a while. It was spent hanging out with my cousin (who's always been like an older sister to me) at her place (which included Famous Dave's (FINALLY!) and knitting!) and then picking up my mom at the airport and having dinner with my parents.

I'm not particularly looking forward to my return trip tomorrow for two reasons: A of all, the weather is going to be rather icky here and so I am praying that I actually get out of here (while I have one class on Wednesday I wouldn't mind missing AT ALL, I need to be there for the other). And 2 of all, decision letters about next year are starting to arrive and so I'm both excited and terrified to open my mailbox tomorrow and find out if there are some answers for next year.

For those of you who are familiar with the Myers-Briggs test, I'm an INFJ. For years, I was a P, but this year I realized that I was, on every level, a J. My response, of course, was to want my P back, which anyone who is MBTI savvy will know means that I really AM a J. Anyway, being a J means I want to make a decision. The fact that my entire life post-August is completely up in the air is driving me crazy. Thus the title of this post.

Well, the secondary reason is because the new U2 album is absolutely bloody brilliant and everyone should get a copy!

Sports (sports sports sports sports sports sports)

2009-03-08T17:11:00.002-05:00

As much as I hate the fact that I lost an hour of sleep this morning (esp. since I had to be in St. Paul for Mass at 10), there is one bright side to the arrival of Daylight Savings Time: we are now only 29 days from Major League Baseball's Opening Day!

Don't get me wrong, I love football and I am a VERY proud Creighton Bluejay (Hey! Go Jays!...but what happened last night, boys?!?), but there's just something about baseball. Maybe it's because it comes around at the same time as warmer weather, but nothing beats baseball. This weekend was the start of the World Baseball Classic, which means that I'm currently watching the Dominican Republic maintain a 5-0 lead over Panama in a round 1 elimination game. The US plays later. But it's baseball and they're good games and it's a lovely way to pass a Sunday afternoon as I work on a baby blanket (the first non-scarf item I have EVER knit in my life).

While I was an SJW, we had many discussions about what made a sport considered a "sport." Basically, the only criteria were the possibility of injury and some sort of health benefit. Thus, in our house, stir fry eating was a sport, as we all know what veggies each of us loved and hated and thus would grab whatever we liked and others didn't from the plate next to us (or across the table...didn't really matter). It's amazing no one lost a limb (or ended up with a fork impaled in her hand). We have a great picture of several of the girls playing Demon, a card game, in which only A's eyes, nose, and mouth were visible, as she used the hood on her sweatshirt to keep her hair out of face.

Speaking of sports...today also marked a first for me: I actually cheered Northern Iowa on. I know, I know...but if Illinois State had won, Creighton would have had NO chance whatsoever at getting an NCAA Tournament bid. Now, I can live in denial until next Sunday when they do NOT get a bid. ;)

Random Musings from Las Ciudades Gemelas...

2009-03-04T00:13:00.002-05:00

*I'm sitting in the living room of my parents' house, trying desperately to stay awake long enough to watch Rachel Maddow (I ADORE HER!) on The Tonight Show. I'm wearing a heavy sweatshirt, long pants, and am under a blanket. And am still shivering. LOVE IT! I'm the only person I know who gets sleepy when cold...

*Brunch at the Louisiana: you never fail to make me happy (and VERY full). Plus, Daigs and Cabs are company that's hard to beat.

*I chopped five inches off my hair today and it's about (still a bit lighter) back to my natural color (with a little auburn thrown in for fun).

*Had dinner with some friends tonight and it was hilarious. I don't think we stopped laughing the entire meal. And it's great to be able to talk about ridiculous Harry Potter stuff and not feel like an idiot (or a giant nerd...okay...still feel like a nerd, but a nerd with company!).

*The Chatterbox has great dessert. And REALLY good root beer.

*Being around progressive women makes me really happy. And the fact that they're all SJW's makes it even better.

*I've started knitting my first baby blanket. It's a little scary, but I'm super excited. And hopefully it won't turn out too badly. And I have pretty much the entire month, provided that its intended recipient arrives on time.

*I finally received my replacement insurance card in the mail, so I went to the clinic on Monday and got antibiotics for the sinus infection my nephew gave me over Thanksgiving. Needless to say, it's time to get rid of it. Only the antibiotics make me nauseous and tired. So it's off to bed with me.

Back in God's Country

2009-03-01T20:19:00.003-05:00

I'm a currently sitting on the couch in my parents' house, eating the chocolate chip cookies my mom baked for me (and my brother) before she left for NC (my grandfather is having surgery on Tuesday), wearing my CDH sweatshirt, and just generally loving being home.

Last night, since it was the only night all four of us would be around this trip, we went out to dinner and it was just nice to be with the rents and the brother.

Today, well, it's been wonderful. Said goodbye to mom before getting ready. Mass at St. C's (which was lovely) was followed by brunch with Deetz and A-Team (two of my roomies from my volunteer year), several of the nunners, and a few other random folk (daughter and grandkid of one of the nunners, as well as her friend and daught). The food was good, the conversation was better, and the best part was that we got to steal Deetz for the rest of the day. Deetz has spent the last two and a half years working at Annunciation House in El Paso on the US/Mexico border and is now moving to Tucson to be with her love. We got to see her back in December when the five of us reunited, but it was great to get a little bit more time with her before she returns to far warmer climes (it was -3 when I left for Mass this morning). We went to Daigs' place and just hung out, snuggling on the couch, telling stories, and just being together. We concluded our time together with a trip to the Grand Ole Creamery, home of the BEST ice cream EVER (Birthday Cake). I dropped Deetz off at the airport on my way home and enjoyed a little Noodles for dinner (Note to the Noodles & Co. corporation: COME TO MASSACHUSETTS!!!).

But being home this week is also interesting, because it was a year ago this week that we were in Salvador. So there's definitely a little bit of thinking about that, too.

But, really, it's about seeing old friends, eating good food (both the Louisiana Cafe and the Cleveland Wok are on the agenda!), and just enjoying a chance to take a break from school and stress and Boston and just...be. I brought some Lush goodies home with me, so I'm planning on spending some time just hanging out, maybe reading a book or two, and enjoying the loveliness of a tub that doesn't leak. Also, I'm going to enjoy being in a house that is NOT heated to 90 degrees in the middle of winter. I'm quite enjoying having to wear a sweatshirt indoors in order to not freeze (also, it's a great excuse to use my mom's amazing array of blankets...for those that don't know, my mom's been a weaver for over a decade and does amazing stuff).

Ash Wednesday and Silence

2009-02-26T18:27:00.004-05:00

I'm a theologian (well, a theology nerd, at the very least). And yesterday was a theology-filled day. Bookended by two (very different) liturgies, it was an...interesting...start to the Lenten season. And yes, fellow Minnesotans, I mean "interesting" in the Minnesota sense of the word.

I started off at Mass at school. It was pretty typical for an STM liturgy (though the homily was great...courtesy of one of my fellow MDiv3 ladies). For some reason, I find it really hard to pray in our chapel at school. I'm not sure what it is about the space, but something about it tends to interfere with my ability to think and process and pray clearly. I ditched out before communion, though, because I knew that I'd be going to Mass later in the day at the parish (and I didn't want to miss Synthesis, as Ed was teaching it this week and I cannot POSSIBLY tell you how EXCITED I was for THAT!).

So I headed to class, and was treated to what was definitely the best class so far this semester: it doesn't get better, folks, than Ed on love of and for God. Seriously. He's brilliant. His book is a must-read. It was fantastic. I was a happy camper.

After class ended, I headed to the lounge and chatted with a friend while finishing up my portion of the presentation for our MDiv Closure group. With the stress of the semester (and the added stress of waiting for decisions from schools, etc), putting myself back in Bolivia in order to write out my portion was tough. I tried listening to a little music from The Mission, but even that wasn't enough to make it come easily. It presents an interesting dynamic, because I find myself having a hard time explaining both the experience and why I have a hard time explaining the experience. Time and time again, I find myself in stuck in the midst of both The First Silence and The Second Silence (yes, I realize that I'm citing my own work here, but frankly, it fits!). Sometimes, I just don't have the words to talk, so I don't talk or write because I'm trying to figure out what to say. But, more often, I feel like either no one understands what I'm saying or wants to hear and so I just...stop talking. Makes it hard to do presentations, because when I get into The Second Silence, I can't talk about the personal stuff. I can give details and the facts, but I can't touch the emotional stuff.

The funny thing is, most people would think it's because I haven't processed. But really, it's not that. It's that there is fundamentally something theological about these experiences and, because of that dimension, they aren't easily articulated. It has nothing to do with processing. It has everything to do with attempts to communicate the incommunicable.

So I probably wasn't in the best space when I got to Closure that night. It was a rough night for our group. I was relieved when it was over, because it was time to head to the parish for Mass. I want to take a moment here to discuss my love of Spanglish Masses. Seriously. My brain thinks in Spanglish to begin with, so it's nice to have a Mass that fully engages the different parts of my brain. Anyway, Mass was fantastic and was a nice way to kind of officially kick off Lent.

I'm a big fan of Lent. I think it's the same part of me that loves ambivalent endings and sad stories. But, the thing about Lent, is that it's completely cathartic. When people ask my favorite holiday, I say Triduum (and genuinely mean that, btw). But it's a happy thing that we have a time set aside for reflection and penance (though, there is something quite ironic about the whole Ash Wednesday ashes on the forehead, seeing as the readings pretty explicitly tell us NOT to do that).

So Lent has officially started, which means no alcohol and no shopping at Lush for me for forty days. Here we go, folks!